Fun with Pictures

I'm not much of a photographer, but since I moved to NY I've fallen in love with taken pictures with my phone. I guess it's a product of seeing lots of amusing shit. So, here's some pictures I've taken and an explanation of their value (some are pretty ridiculous)


Shane and I took this picture during one of her advanced finance classes in Hong Kong. She was CLEARLY never taught any manners, because everyone knows how rude it is to point at people. Then again....this girl in her class is wearing an f-ing swine flu mask. I feel like it's an important life skill to be able to avoid disease by building an immune system, not just wearing a mask. I guess the asians haven't figured everything out yet.





My neice and nephew are cute as hell. And they're good skiers. This picture isn't funny, it just makes me happy, and it makes me wish I still lived in Colorado.



I saw this on the cigar menu at a BBQ place near my office. I created this cigar myself, and called it "The Stephen Golding" but I guess they thought people weren't familiar enough with Stephen, so they called it a Texas Jewboy.

Seriously though, pretty anti-semetic and ridiculous in my opinion, especially if you say "I'm sucking on a Texas Jewboy." That is beyond distasteful, and I sure hope I never experience it.



I saw this on 6th and 3rd, I believe. It's my block! It says it right there in the concrete! Wow, I'm famous.


This one is a bit of a longer story. When I was home for Thanksgiving, I told my mom I wanted to buy a peacoat, or any sort of jacket that I could wear to work over a suit that wasn't my full out DNA Ski Jacket. We didn't have time to buy one, but when I was leaving I found the jacket pictured above in my hallway closet. I tried it on, and it fit! Free jacket!

As I buttoned the jacket, Jules looked up at me and giggled. I asked why, and he said "I think that's a women's jacket." I refused to accept that it was, especially considering the size the woman would need to be to fit into the jacket. Also, the buttons could be buttoned up on either side, so it could be set up as a men's jacket no matter what (though based on that flexibility we could even call it a transgenderal jacket. maybe.).

I was hurt by this argument, and couldn't really find the exact model online. Then I was on the subway, and saw this:




A homeless man asking for money wearing the same jacket! It had to be a men's jacket, because he was a homeless MAN!!!! I'm happy this all got sorted out.

How 22 Almost One-Upped 21

My 21st was an unhealthy time in my life, as I detailed in my last post. Well, my 22nd was not much healthier, but it definitely lasted longer (5 days of Me, somehow). I'll go through the events, followed by some fun things I've seen around and taken pictures of lately.

Day 1: Wednesday, The Actual Birthday

Left work to go meet Bob at his place so we could watch the Nets v Nuggets game. When I got there, Bob and Ray had thrown a surprise party for me, with some good friends planning to go to the game with us. We had an amazing time, especially with the surprise of Annie coming to be there for the weekend. Great night, and the Nuggets kicked ass.

Day 2: Thursday, Kickball and Ricky Gervais

Left work to play Kickball for the Big Bangers, who I should mention were almost as dominant as the Nuggets. I had to leave early, as Barry surprised me with tickets to see Ricky Gervais do standup live. He was great, and we ended up at a Wall Street Journal Open Bar afterparty. 2 Birthdays in, Jared is happy.

Day 3: Friday, Benihana

No Birthday is complete without a little "Japanese Happy Song" after some Hibachi Steak and fried rice. I love that place. After my current occupation I will be opening up a Kosher Hibachi place called either "Heebachi" or "Benichhhhana"

Day 4: Saturday, The Party

The party started at my place around 10. The Apt got packed pretty fast. I puked by 11, then rallied and drank the rest of the night without telling anyone. Here are some highlights from the bar in pictures:

Dance off between Bob, Ray, and Ben. Bob relied on step dancing, Ray relied on Break dancing, and Ben relied on fun dancing. Oh, and I did the worm supposedly.




At one point I took off my belt and took this picture with Ben. I don't know why. But I sent this picture to barry with the message "So Lovers." I don't know what that means.



Day 5: Chelsea and Improv

Sunday night Annie, Ray, Yano and I went to the Upright Citizens Brigade Improv show. On the way there, we saw a child who looked EXACTLY like Ugly Betty. I took a picture, because I'm an asshole.


On the way to the club, I saw this poster in a gay porn shop window. Oh New York.


The improv show was completely free, and the cast included Amy Poehler, Seth Myers, Jack mcBryar (kenneth from 30 rock), some other SNL and 30 Rock guys, and was hosted by John Hamm from Mad Men. It was hilarious, and made me want to do longform Improv. Sadly, I'm lazy and busy at the same time. Not a good combination for trying to be a comedian in NY.


So that's the birthday. Yesterday we had lunch in Union Square, and I took a picture of Ben's Swollen Uvula. Take a peek.




Yucky. Anyway, thanks everyone for a great 22nd Birthday, it showed me how great my friends are and how lucky I am.

Halloween

I had no expectations for Halloween. I hadn't picked a costume until the Friday, when I went to a vintage store across the street to get a vest. No big plans, I thought it would just be an average weekend. It sort of was, but at least some weird shit happened to spice it up.

Starting on Friday night--we went to Diener's bday, and I had thought it was going to be a dress up party. Andrew, Rachel and I dressed as nerds, and no one else at the party was dressed up. Luckily, all I had to do was untuck my shirt, take off my fake glasses, roll down my pants, and
even I wasn't dressed up. I'm a fuckin Transformer.

The night wasn't especially exciting, though it ended at Pommes Frites where I endulged myself in a delicious Poutine (link included for non-Canadians). A girl in the line wanted to try it. I scooped it into her hand, and she smiled for this pic:

:

Oh yah, and I saw kids dressed as chickens (like Annie and I were dressed last year). I took a picture. They weren't thrilled.

Saturday started with a good ole Essa Bagel, followed by 2pm day drinking at Bergson's. That is too early to start drinking if you plan on staying out all day and all night. 5 Hours of Drinking games later, five of us decided to go check out the Halloween Parade happening down the block. There were thousands of people watching, how could we get a good spot? We first tried convincing people my sister was sick and lost, and if as a group we yelled "Shane!" we could potentially find her. We had about 20 people at a time yelling my sisters name. She's in Hong Kong.

Then Kyle VH decided we should just get in the parade. Brilliant idea. KVH, Butters and I climbed over the barrier and joined the parade, with thousands of people taking pictures of our every move as we proceeded down 6th Avenue like celebrities. Some Highlights included:

Ugly Scary People



Alice in Wonderland and Dorothy crushing on us



Team Nickelodeon--Me (Quail Man), and the Global Guts Girls +AgroCrag

Over 100 people started doing the Thriller dance in coordination. We somehow ended up in the group, before being escorted away for "not knowing the dance." That's f-ing discrimination. Oh well.




As we walked out of the parade, we took cover from the rain in a store entrance, where we were approached by "Santa Dressed as Michael Jackson." He also happened to be a midget and rode a Segway. Had to take a picture of him and Wilma from the Flinstones, who kissed me on the cheek cuz she liked me.

Rest of the night was anticlamactic. Some bar hopping, some costumes, the usual. But either way, Halloween had it's moments, and I'm glad I was a part of it. Oh, and here's Dino, dressed as a rabbi, as he ran into some other religious folk.

Broncos, Avs, and Nuggets are playing today. I'll be watching all the games with Bob. Go Denver!

I’m not a scam artist, shit just happens for me

I promise, I don’t make up anything I blog. It all actually happens, and I can’t actually explain why. This weekend included a few moments that I don’t understand, but can be simply explained by the manner in which I live my life, or at least how I have since I moved to New York:

Don’t ask “Why?”
Ask “Why Not?”

Nothing happened Friday night because of that whole Swine Flu biznass, but I survived on Slingbox’ing the Avalanche game and Matza ball soup…great combo. Saturday afternoon the fun began, as I told all of our friends that we should go as a group to the NEW YORK CITY DUMPLING Festival.

Yes, it is as absurd as it sounds, a festival devoted to Dumplings from across the world. But I thought, why not? We arrived in the pouring rain, to find the tail end of the festivities. As the Julie, Amy, and Modz waited for tickets, I noticed a crowd in front of the stage. I approached it, and heard “We only have One Dumpling Cookbook left, who wants it?? Ok, I’m going to think of a number between 1 and 50. Yell out what you think it is!”

100 people yelling numbers at once? Come on woman, think with your head. She gave up after a few yells, and thought “fine, whoever’s birthday is closest to today wins it!”

Fuck yah November 4th, way to take me to the Promised Land. I claimed my fat ass cookbook and walked away with pride. I then bought a ticket for some dumplings, but after only getting 3 for 5 dollars, I felt a bit cheated. So, wearing my StreetEasy T-Shirt, I approached the VIP Tent. The woman greeted me, and I said “Wow, so the event went well? I can’t believe I missed my interview set.” She looked down at my t-shirt, and said “Yah, don’t worry, the rain put a bit of a damper on everything. Do you want to come in and have some food anyway even though you weren’t able to cover it?”

Sure. I will eat your free dumplings and Chinese food, because you looked down at my Real Estate Website shirt and thought it must’ve been a fucking food blog. Again, this event isn’t being run by the Oprahs and Hillary Rodhams of the world.

(me with the cookbook and the world's largest whole wheat dumpling, supposedly)

As we leave, I get a call from Ray: come to Orchard and Rivington to get free tickets for a Girl Talk concert. Uh, yes I will do that. We go down there, to find out that in order to get the tickets, we must test-drive a Kia, as it is a secret concert with the only tickets being distributed to Kia test-drivers. We all test drove Kias, got our wristband tickets, and peaced.

Today I woke up and went to Sleepy’s to try to get a better bed, because I bought a cheap one and it’s shit. It was too pricey to exchange, so I went to buy a mattress featherbed pad at Macy’s, found one, and took it to the register. It was too expensive, so I asked about a sale. The Register Woman replied “Naw, Aint no sale less you can find one on da website with the blackberry” (not trying to be racist, just trying to quote her). There was no sale on the site, but when I googled “item blah blah….sale” I found the page where the sale used to be. That page didn’t exist, but I found the cached page, and showed it to her. She bought it, and I saved $70. Booyah. Oh, but I'm returning it cuz it's lumpy.

Girl Talk time comes around 7:00, but is preceded by opening act OJ Juiceman. It was the single worst live concert performance I’ve ever seen. The DJ behind him played rap music, and he would just chime in little “ooh ooh”s like a feminine Lil Jon. Terrible. Didn’t understand a word he said (again, not racist, just didn’t understand him).

All of the sudden I saw some kids running to the front corner. I summoned the group, and we got to the front of the line….TO BE DANCING ON THE STAGE WITH GIRL TALK FOR THE WHOLE CONCERT. It was pretty frickin sick, though he ended up sweating and smelling a bit and we were dancing right next to him.

Summing up the weekend: Free Cookbook, free dumplings and food, free test drive, free concert tickets, $70 from Macy’s, free soda at the concert, free $5 duane reade gift certificate on the street, and Free time spent with friends family and Girl Talk.

And they say New York is expensive...

The East Village

Some times I ask myself, "who lives in the east village? where did they come from and why are they here?" I ask these questions because my neighborhood has such an eclectic assortment of people that I can't figure out how they coexist. We have hipsters, hot girls, young professionals, and best of all, this guy:

He lives on my corner, 14th and 1st. Every day he puts on his headphones and cutoff t shirt (in the summer he's straight up topless) and stands at the corner dancing to his music. When he gets tired of dancing, he lifts up the garbage can on the corner in intervals, his workout for the day. He is a character and a half. I also don't think he's homeless, because he doesn't ask for money. He just dances and lifts garbage.

Today he crossed the road. Yah, I'm as shocked as you are. Halfway across the road, still boppin to his beat, he almost got hit by a gray van (this is the point where I took the picture above). The van stopped just in time, and the driver yelled out his window "Hey be careful! You're gonna get killed!"

My man's response: "Yah so what! I don't care if I die! Kill me!" He then proceeded across the rest of the road slowly, narrowly escaping another crash, dancing the whole time.

Moral of the story: If you're going to be depressed and want to die, be patient, and until that day comes, keep on dancing.



Pretty shitty moral, but oh well. More posts to come soon, havent posted in a while and have since been to a gay strip club, seen Kenneth from 30Rock do improv, and got the Swine Flu. Stay Tuned.

More exciting: 5-4 Rockies or 3-2 Big Bangers?

Tonight was a big night. The Rockies won to tie the NLDS at 1 game apiece...but they already had the lead in the 9th and didn't lose it. They won the old fashioned way, having a lead and maintaining it through the end of the ballgame, no biggie.

NOT SO MUCH WITH THE BIG BANGERS. Yes, our kickball team had the lead in the bottom of the 9th, but a double by some white guy on the other team led to a tie ball game going into extra innings.

It was intense. A playoff atmosphere. And when Bergson kicked a single to bring home Modz's friend Amelia, anarchy broke loose. I can honestly say this was the most exciting sporting event I've been a part of in years, so YAY that we won.

As far as the rest of the night goes, we all went to a bar nearby and took over, with two tables of beer pong and plenty of random karaoke singers surrounding us. After a couple hours there and people trickling in and out, I left alone, to find myself outside of a chic club with a guy named DeShawn and a girl named Shawnda....no relation, i promise, i asked.

I went in by pretending to be "a friend of Bergson," who is not only not a big shot, but wasn't even at the bar or had ever heard of it. Ha, i don't know how that worked, but I only stayed for 2 minutes. I walked out to a tall blonde kid who freaked out when he saw me. I guess we went to Washu together, but i had no recollection of who he was. I just kept calling him bud or bro, which worked like a charm. I hate my frickin borderline alzheimers, i really wish i remembered him.

Next, I walked down avenue A until I ran into a bunch of cameras and lights flashing. I was guessing some sort of photo shoot, then i noticed two girls arguing with a guy. I didn't like his attitude. So I stood up to him on their behalf. They liked that. I'm a mench. He sort of sucked, but after they left, we talked for a while, and he likes StreetEasy. That's what I like to hear.

jared, out

I've aged significantly in the past 2 days

Yesterday wasn't exactly a good day. I got a call around 10 that we didn't get the apartment we applied for, which was the perfect place in the perfect location with the perfect couch, yada yada yada. Anyway, during my phone conversation with the real estate broker, I found myself trying to frame my situation by saying:

"I should've kept looking for other places. You can't put all your eggs in one basket."
and
"I guess I shouldn't have assumed I would get the place. You can't count your chickens before they hatch."

When did I turn 50? And what's with this obsession with chickens? New York really has fucked me up.

Having a reckless friend makes life that much funnier

While a lot has happened over the last week or so, I figured it would be more fun to only post two stories about my friend Sam Zuber this week. Sam is an amazing person, but two things he did set him apart from anyone I've ever met and show me why I love him. Even people who don't know him will fall in love based on these stories. Here goes.

Story 1: Friday night, we are at the bar on the roof of the Rivington Hotel at around 3 am. Bob and I are on the dance floor having a good time when we pull out the classic "ball game." For those who are unfamiliar with this phenomenon, the "ball game" involves pretending like you are holding a ball and rolling it around your body on the dance floor, "passing" it to your friend in absurd manners whenever you feel like you have exhausted your creative juices. It seems stupid, but it's a great way to communicate to a girl that you have a sense of humor without ever even saying a word. Whatever.

Bob and I were communicating well, and a random girl was succumbing to our initiatives to the point where it looked like Bob had a chance. Bob and I had some telepathy going and started a mini baseball game, and he threw me a fake ball, which i "hit." Sam, out of nowhere, jumps out of the crowd to try to catch it (note that he wasn't even involved in the game at this point). In doing so, he spills the girl's drink all over her and literally knocks her to the floor. We would've been mad, but I'm pretty sure his response was "hey, I caught it!"
Ridiculous.

Story 2: It's sunday night, and I'm sitting on the couch where I currently reside. Sam calls me. Here's how the phone call goes:

"Jared, did you watch the VMA's?"
"No Sam, why do you ask?"
" Ok, so here's what happened. They were doing best female video, and the nominees were Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift (lists the nominees, because they were clearly relevant for the story). And guess who won? Taylor Swift! So she's giving her speech, and then this RANDOM BLACK GUY runs on the stage and takes her mic from her!"
"What?"
"Yah! He just starts talking about how Beyonce should have won! It was crazy!"
"Wait, who was this guy?"
"I don't know, just some random black guy who must have been on drugs or something."


The fact that Kanye West is one of possibly the 15 most recognizable African Americans in the world of entertainment. Gotta love Sam.

Speaking of Kanye, at the Owl City concert last night (which was AMAZING. this song was sick and the opening DJ, Unicorn Kid, was awesome) Taylor Swift showed up--the pic is below. I convinced a 15 year old kid next to me to start a "Fuck Kanye" chant, which didn't exactly pick up, and actually was picked up in the blog I mentioned in this morning's post...don't ask how i found that. I'm just a wizard with internet crap.

Overall, having fun in NYC, applied for a great apt at 13th and 1st today with some good roommates, so hopefully it works out. Go Rockies!

The Best Part of Last Night

I realized that I didn't even document my favorite part of last night in my most recent blog. It deserves some attention, because it was amazing.

As I walked into the bar, I noticed that there were a lot of pretty women. Most were looking at whomever they were talking to...but one girl was staring right at me while talking to another guy. Was there something on my face? Did she know me? I was intrigued.

She proceeded to approach me, and, smiling, exclaimed "Oh my G-d! You're the guy from Cash Cab!!!"

I'm not the guy from Cash Cab. And I've never been on Cash Cab. But I like to lie. The rest of the convo went as follows:

Her: "Yah, you were on Cash Cab this afternoon!"
Me: "....Holy shit, you saw that?? How embarrassing..."
Her: "You were amazing! I can't believe I'm meeting you!"
Me: "I just wish I had done a little better"
Her: "What?? You made $1300!"
Me: "I know, but it could have been more."
Her: "Are you kidding? That was amazing. You were like 'trapeeeeeeeze!' Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you" (then, walking away slowly) "trapeeeeeze! hahaha"

That was amazing. I'm a celebrity.

Playing Ping Pong with Adrian Grenier

Before I start, I thought I should mention that it is 4:00 am and I am blogging. That's called dedication...or I just have a feeling that I won't remember what happened tonight in the morning. Nevermind that last thought, let's just give the credit to dedication.

The night started at Bergson's, where none of us won the $330 Million Lottery...weird. I thought we had it in the bag. Either way, we ended up heading downtown to a bar that Carolyn had a friend at. Had no expectations until I approached the bar, and, looking to my right, realized I was standing next to the one and only Vinny Chase, Adrian Grenier. AND he was talking to Susan Sarandon. Crazy! I was tripping out. I admit, it would have been cooler if she had looked like a cool celebrity, but I will say that if I hadn't know she was Susan Sarandon I would have assumed she was a stoned hobo who wanted my spare change. Clean up your act Suze, you look like a female Richard Simmons. No Offense.

We played a bunch of Ping Pong next to Vinny/Adrian, who I offered the next game on our table to. He respectfully declined, though I have a feeling he never would have played me in the first place because he's just too damn famous to play ping pong against a paddled stud like me. Again, this is the 4am talking. I suck at ping pong, but he seemed to as well, it would have been a great match. Too Bad.

Left the place to meet friends from B-right, who decided as a group that we would get Artichoke Pizza. The line was wayyy out the door, so I thought I would pretend I was cool and see if I could sneak to the front. When I got there, Glassman was second in line, and he got us 4 slices. What a man. I seemed cool for having the speedy pizza hook up, and Glassman finally seemed like a gentleman for doing a good deed for us. What a man.


Great Friday night, hope the rest of the weekend stays as fun. Happy Saturday.

How the stars of Gossip Girl fucked me over...almost

Here's the story:
At about 2pm on Friday I decided I would go to Chicago (via Milwaukee) for the weekend. I knew Airtran had their X fares deal, which is pretty cheap, and there were plenty of seats available, so i thought, why not, what could go wrong?

I arrived at Laguardia with time to spare, only to find myself stuck for 4.5 hours when Hurrican Bill struck the facilities. I went to the concourse bar with a girl I met who was on her way to see a Packers game, and due to the flight delays, the bar was so packed that the bartender couldn't keep tabs on all the beer she was handing out. Free beer! Yay!

Got to Milwaukee late, then took the drive down to Chi and spent a great weekend with Annabelle, including some nice time with cupcake and phil, among others. Chicago is a nice place, I like it there. I described it to someone as "New York but with nice people and a comparable polarity in their baseball teams' success this season." By that I mean the Cubs are the Windy City's version of the Mets...which isn't a good thing for either city.

On the way back I got another standby ticket, and while waiting at the gate I heard my name over the loudspeaker (he obviously struggled with his decision on how to pronounce it, but ended up going with the rhyming "kline-stine" rather than the typical "kline steen." No judgement passed, the name pronunciation isn't even agreed upon within our family).

What was he going to say? Did I get on the flight? Russell (I looked at his name tag so I could man flirt my way onto the flight) ended up completely blueballing me, telling me there were no seats available. Come on Russ. He did mention that three people had checked in but not gone through the gate yet. So I still had a chance.

Next thing I know, a couple in sunglasses come running down towards the gate, apologizing for having thought the flight was delayed longer. Who was it? These people below:

Yah, two actors from Gossip Girl. If the cast of that fucking show had held me back from getting to NYC, I would have gone ape shit and made it a goal to take down the CW and any shows that even remind me of that God Forsaken NYC prep school culture (no offense Mishkin).

It turned out there wasn't a third cast member, and I got on the flight with them (though they got the "luxury" of airtran first class). Luckily, the airline knew that I had been involved in an already long travel experience, so they made sure Laguardia re-routed our direct flight to NYC through Pittsburgh for an hour long refueling and sightseeing stop out the window of my seat on the plane. Now I can say I've been to Pittsburgh and I had two 9 hour travel days in one weekend. Thanks AirTran!

New Yorkin'

Started work this week in the big city. It ain't all that bad. Some highlights:

- Saw two improv shows, both free, one of which included Kristen Schaal, who plays Mel on Flight of the Conchords. She was phenomenal.

-Been to 4 birthday parties in one week. I don't get it, everyone has seemed to have their birthdays in the past couple of weeks. If i count 9 months backward, it means that all these people were conceived around the beginning of November (around the time of my birthday). I guess having sex on Nov 4 is like the new "new years baby" type fad. I guess I make a conscious effort to have sex on my birthday as well, so I can't blame 'em.

-Saw some standup, then today I performed standup. That was fun. Except there weren't many people there for the open mic I was at, and they all were sitting in the back of the room. So I think I heard laughs, but most came from a short asian creature who laughed at everything, even the not funny stuff. So I don't know if I was good, but at least I tried.

-I'm a working man. If anyone works near 19th and broadway, so either union square park on one side of me or madison square park on the other, lets meet for lunch. I am a hungry boy.

-I FORGOT TO PROMOTE MY WEBSITES, I made these this summer for fun, check them out and tell your friends:

exactlywhatshesaid.com
* the worlds foremost authority on "that's what she said"s

beautymarkormole.blogspot.com
*A celebrity rating site for voting on celebrity skin blemishes.


tell your friends that I blog. I want hits so I can become famous and live off of people who pay me to promote shit on this site.
Jared, out

I feel misunderstood

Before I continue my summer recap, I thought it would be nice to document a couple of confusing situations I have been engaged in since I moved to New York two days ago. Here goes.

Bob and I went to an improv show the other night after our plans to go to the Mets Rockies game were demolished by torrential rain. We saw a good show, then saw an amateur improv show where any groups that wanted to could sign up and perform. Don't worry, we didn't sign up. But as we sat down in our seats, a man passed us with the logo below tattooed to his arm:

He was a rockies fan! We had so much in common! Bob and I both yelled "ROCKIES!!" to which he looked back with confusion, noticed our fingers pointing at his tatt, and replied "nah nah nah It's crips. Ya'll crips?"

This was a misunderstanding. I assumed Rockies, but he was a gang member. When I told this story to Jared C., he asked what color the tattoo was. Sadly, the dark blackness of this man's skin inhibited my ability to distinguish between a purple and black tatt (baseball) and red tatt (hood). I felt terrible.

Misunderstanding #2:
We went to Wendy's late last night. I ordered a Dr Pepper and a Junior Bacon Chee, and Jared C. orders a crispy chicken sandwich. Mine takes a while, and while I was waiting Jared and Bob went to sit down. I waited for 5 minutes before she asked who was also waiting for 2 Crispy Chickens. I looked back at a hungry Jared C, and replied "Yah that's my friend, I'll grab it for him." I waited a couple of minutes, got the food, then walked to the table. When I arrived, Jared was already eating a crispy chicken sandwich.

I had taken someone else's Crispy chickens. I figured that person may have forgot ordering them, so if I waited long enough and didn't get caught I'd be two fried chicken slabs richer. I put them on the table next to me, and within 2 minutes the angry woman from the counter came storming towards me with an evil look like I was her baby's daddy and just got custody. (sidenote: I'm not racist. It's just coincidence that she was black, served me fried chicken, and gave me the baby daddy look. Don't hate me) She asked where the chicken was, and I pointed nervously to it on the table next to us, as though I was trying to pass the blame off on the table for being the sandwich thief.

I keep getting misunderstood in this city. Lets hope that changes.