As I woke up this morning around 7:30, I got a bit nostalgic about my life and all of my past birthdays (yah, today is my big 2-2). I then got depressed about how I don't remember all of my birthdays, which is an excuse you can use in college for obvious reasons, but not for when you turned 13. So, I brainstormed and here's my list of birthday memories I can think of:
4- Joint Halloween Birthday with Andy Draper (above: pic of us four years later. We aged nicely) . I think we threw it at my house, and I was dressed as a clown while Andy dressed as Batman. We had a good crew there, probably some sweet goody bags, and we hired a real clown for entertainment. Probably took away some thunder from me as the only other clown in the room, but he had some tricks I couldn't pull off at the time. Big ups to him.
5- Had a party in USDS, my kindergarten. Schecter and Chellie were there. We ate cupcakes. That's all I remember.
6- First birthday in Denver. Rondi, my first grade teacher, did some balloon stunt to impress us. Not quite as entertaining as the clown, but impressive for a teacher.
8- Pinata outside my house (memorable attendees included Sam, Elie Z, Ben F and Ben S, Jamey, and Jason D) then Woody's pizza. Good time.
11- Probably the most distinct memory. I played hockey, so I wanted to show off my skills; we had an ice skating party at Big Bear (which I believe has closed down...sad). All was fine and dandy until Courtney H fell and cut her finger. She was bleeding profusely. We freaked out, and my dad came up with a solution--
He started sucking on her finger.
I've never felt so uncomfortable. They say it's awkward walking in on your parents having sex. Try walking in on your dad sucking on your friend's finger.
12- We have a group of about 16, and we go to the Avalanche game. In the car ride over, My dad drives Shauna and some girls (Romi and Devra?) with Sam in the front seat. Shauna spends the ride talking about her new bras. My dad tells Sam to stay quiet and just listen. The next few years are filled with "Hi Shauna"
"Hi Art"
"How are the bras"
"Good thanks."
Almost as awkward as the finger sucking.
13- No one cares about my birthday because I had a bar mitzvah coming up. Thanks.
16- Dad takes me to an Avalanche game and "forget the tickets." I should've caught on, because he's never forgotten tickets in any of the other 21 years I've been alive. I get home to a surprise 16th bday, full of good friends and Catered Chipotle. Did I mention the Catered Chipotle? Oh yah, we had Catered Chipotle. My mom knows me so well.
18- I think I FINALLY used my REAL 18 YEAR OLD ID to get into a club! Lucky me! Probably the Vault or something. Yay.
19- Joint birthday party with Sara Reynolds. Wow, that was a failure. Sara bailed halfway after leaving some pierced weirdos in the room alone with me. What a sweetheart. I think I got Nuggets Pajamas that year though, so it was an overall victory.
20- No recollection, not because I was drunk, though I probably was. I just have no idea what we did on my birthday. Let me know if you remember.
21- At 12, handed my ID to security at Lumiere and gambled legally for the first time. Made big bucks off Danny Drews advice, although he lost a bunch.
The next night, Barack Obama became president, and 20 of my best friends and I sat in an empty bar watching his speech and drinking. Wait, that's not what happened. I sat there drinking, and they fed me 18 shots and watched. I ended up giving a speech about Obama, my weight, and Israel, which rivaled Obama's speech in passion though likely not in content.
Drink 18: Sean hands me a shot, tells me it's delicious. It's straight grape vodka. I puke in the beer bucket on the table. Mishkin bets me $100 to puke on Sean, and I chase him around the block to no avail. Woke up without a hangover the next morning. Best Birthday ever.
Moral of the story: I've lived an amazing life, had some interesting birthdays, and am lucky to have always had great friends around me for all of them. Thanks for everything, and if you're in NYC over the next 4 days, get ready for a lot of fun.
4- Joint Halloween Birthday with Andy Draper (above: pic of us four years later. We aged nicely) . I think we threw it at my house, and I was dressed as a clown while Andy dressed as Batman. We had a good crew there, probably some sweet goody bags, and we hired a real clown for entertainment. Probably took away some thunder from me as the only other clown in the room, but he had some tricks I couldn't pull off at the time. Big ups to him.
5- Had a party in USDS, my kindergarten. Schecter and Chellie were there. We ate cupcakes. That's all I remember.
6- First birthday in Denver. Rondi, my first grade teacher, did some balloon stunt to impress us. Not quite as entertaining as the clown, but impressive for a teacher.
8- Pinata outside my house (memorable attendees included Sam, Elie Z, Ben F and Ben S, Jamey, and Jason D) then Woody's pizza. Good time.
11- Probably the most distinct memory. I played hockey, so I wanted to show off my skills; we had an ice skating party at Big Bear (which I believe has closed down...sad). All was fine and dandy until Courtney H fell and cut her finger. She was bleeding profusely. We freaked out, and my dad came up with a solution--
He started sucking on her finger.
I've never felt so uncomfortable. They say it's awkward walking in on your parents having sex. Try walking in on your dad sucking on your friend's finger.
12- We have a group of about 16, and we go to the Avalanche game. In the car ride over, My dad drives Shauna and some girls (Romi and Devra?) with Sam in the front seat. Shauna spends the ride talking about her new bras. My dad tells Sam to stay quiet and just listen. The next few years are filled with "Hi Shauna"
"Hi Art"
"How are the bras"
"Good thanks."
Almost as awkward as the finger sucking.
13- No one cares about my birthday because I had a bar mitzvah coming up. Thanks.
16- Dad takes me to an Avalanche game and "forget the tickets." I should've caught on, because he's never forgotten tickets in any of the other 21 years I've been alive. I get home to a surprise 16th bday, full of good friends and Catered Chipotle. Did I mention the Catered Chipotle? Oh yah, we had Catered Chipotle. My mom knows me so well.
18- I think I FINALLY used my REAL 18 YEAR OLD ID to get into a club! Lucky me! Probably the Vault or something. Yay.
19- Joint birthday party with Sara Reynolds. Wow, that was a failure. Sara bailed halfway after leaving some pierced weirdos in the room alone with me. What a sweetheart. I think I got Nuggets Pajamas that year though, so it was an overall victory.
20- No recollection, not because I was drunk, though I probably was. I just have no idea what we did on my birthday. Let me know if you remember.
21- At 12, handed my ID to security at Lumiere and gambled legally for the first time. Made big bucks off Danny Drews advice, although he lost a bunch.
The next night, Barack Obama became president, and 20 of my best friends and I sat in an empty bar watching his speech and drinking. Wait, that's not what happened. I sat there drinking, and they fed me 18 shots and watched. I ended up giving a speech about Obama, my weight, and Israel, which rivaled Obama's speech in passion though likely not in content.
Drink 18: Sean hands me a shot, tells me it's delicious. It's straight grape vodka. I puke in the beer bucket on the table. Mishkin bets me $100 to puke on Sean, and I chase him around the block to no avail. Woke up without a hangover the next morning. Best Birthday ever.
Moral of the story: I've lived an amazing life, had some interesting birthdays, and am lucky to have always had great friends around me for all of them. Thanks for everything, and if you're in NYC over the next 4 days, get ready for a lot of fun.
