The End of Rocktober, and the beginning of Bronctober

As I sat with Bob painfully sitting through the Rockies self-destruction in the bottom of the 9th inning last night, I couldn't help but think about how much I both love and hate baseball. Here's the list I put together:

Love:
-The season
When the weather is nice and your team is playing well, nothing is better than sitting outside for a couple of hours taking in a ball game. You can miss an inning or two, because nothing REALLY happens that often, and just take in the fresh air with thousands of other drunk people.

- Denver
Where else can you pay $5 for tickets (Rockpile), get a free beer with your ticket stub at the bar down the block, and then $2 beers for the rest of the night at Lodos?
Think about the math.
One ticket $5
+two beers at the game $6 *2
+hot dog $5
+ one free beer plus free beer from a girl who doesnt drink beer but has a ticket stub $2 (tip)
+2 beers from lodos $5 (including tip)
+ a ride home from a DD or mommy/daddy, if they love you $0
= Dinner, 4+ hours of entertainment, 6 beers, and time spent with your friends (and parents for that drive home) ALL for under thirty bucks.
AND at the last game I got two free Rockies face towels. That saved me a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond. BOOYAH. In New York, $30 gets you one drink at a fancy bar and a slice of pizza. Granted it would have to be a really expensive slice of pizza, but still, you get the point.

- Growing up with a team
I love how you watch players go through the minors, play well, get to the majors, suck, go back down, suck, quit for a bit, switch positions, miraculously get better, make the team, suck, then suck less, then jack a 400 foot homer and get crowned the next Griffey. In the end of the day, you get to watch a team that your team essentially has raised the way a father (or several fathers in the management/ownership context) raises babies. I loved how all of our favorite Rockies were drafted and got us where we were in the playoffs as players from within the organization, not stupid free agent signings to bribe players over for big bucks.

- Camaraderie
Nothing warms me up inside like yelling Tulo's name on repeat between claps next to my best friends, or giving high fives and yelling "Let's go" with random kids wearing Rocktober shirts in bars in NYC. Seriously, I think I hugged more men during baseball season than the straight community would ever accept as standard hetero behavior. Trust me. I hugged a lot of men.

THINGS I HATE

- Division Play
I'm really sick of the way the MLB schedule is set up. I shouldn't have to watch the Dbacks and Padres play my team every other week and wait for the couple weeks a year when I get to see AL teams. It is a proffessional LEAGUE, where the best players in the world come to play, yet each team doesn't get to play against all of this amazing talent. Every other sport at least attempts to give teams and fans an opportunity to see all that the sport has to offer, and I'm supposed to wait until the fucking world series to see how my team fares against the Yankees? I don't like it.

-The Red Sox
I put them first of the two teams I don't like because I not only don't like them as a team, but I don't like them as a people. Red Sox nation is full of unhappy ugly people who deserved to lose because they sit around thinking their team is superior to the world, giving stats about why they're so good, without noticing that other teams exist. Even though they are already out of the playoffs, F the Red Sox.

-The Yankees
I may take this back. Hell, if I could spend $200 Million to make my team fucking sweet, I would. But I don't have $200 Million. And if I did, I wouldn't pay other people to play baseball; I'd give some money to charity, make sure WashU built a new gym and gave more scholarships, and ski every day for a long time. And I'd take everything that Mastercard has said "there are some things money can't buy" and try to buy it. That would be a fun project.

-Losing
We lost. I'm sad. Losing blows, especially when you had the lead with 2 outs in the 9th. I now know how the Cubs feel every year all year.

Now the season is over, and it's time to move on. Luckily, the Avs are playing really well, and the Broncos are 5-0, hence the new hot word "Bronctober." I think I like writing about sports, so I'll have more, shorter posts about my thoughts in the future. Until then, Happy Belated Canadian Thanksgiving!

Laundry

I bought boxers. I put them in the laundry. Now they fit like briefs. I am upset because I didn't buy briefs, I bought boxers, and now I'm wearing briefs cuz stuff from Cosco shrinks. Sort of a bummer.

Big post coming tonight about my thoughts on Colorado Sports. Get hyped.

Only in NY...Blowup Doll as a Babysitter

Hugging Maeby Funke

A couple of amusing things:

Great convo from last night between Mitch, His fiance's brother Cliff (who is gay and delightful), and me:
Jared: "If you had to quit one, would you quit snowboarding or sex?"
Mitch: "Sex...but does anal count?"
Jared: "I guess it's not REALLY sex so..."
Cliff: "Heyyyy watch it!"

We were all dying of laughter. Good stuff.

After dinner, we went to the SNL studio, as Rich had tickets (but none for us). While waiting at the front, we saw Jon Hamm from Mad Men, the bartender guy from True Blood, Jimmy Fallon (tapped me on the shoulder to get by and i didnt notice...he was so gentle), Evan Mendes, the pirate guy from Dodgeball, and THEN, Alia Shawkat, who plays Maeby from Arrested. I told her I thought she was fucking hysterical, and she hugged me. I told her about my plan with luke to write the movie, and she told me to "send it to Mitch (hurvitz)." Ok, sounds like a plan.

THEN Mr. S from Glee showed up. I told him I fucking loved his show, and he smiled. What a smile, I could never lie to that smile the way his wife does about being fake pregnant. Geez.

My Nephew's HW assignment....

What happens when you blog at 2am...

The post below is an example of what happens when you blog at 2am. I mean, I didn't blog for a while, and I came back with that? Seriously?

things from last night that were amusing:
- The guy outside the Cobra Starship shoot was talking to me about why he was mad at the girls. Here's how the convo went:

Him: "I mean, she said she worked for Ahmed. No WAY she worked for Ahmed. Do you know Ahmed?"
me: "uhh of course"
Him: "Yah, like no FUCKING WAY she worked for Ahmed!" (proceeds to give me a high five)

...who the fuck is Ahmed?


- That same guy was talking about someone in the band being brilliant and going to Columbia. I didn't really catch the name but I thought I had, so I approached him, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Ryan?"
"No, my name is Ryland."

Shit. Not a good start.

"Well anyway, just wanted to say I've heard you are a brilliant guy. And that you're really talented. So Congrats."
"Thanks."

I felt bad at the time for being so awkward and not knowing his name. Then I looked him up on Wikipedia.
He went to Florida State (is that considered the Columbia of the Sunshine State?)

More exciting: 5-4 Rockies or 3-2 Big Bangers?

Tonight was a big night. The Rockies won to tie the NLDS at 1 game apiece...but they already had the lead in the 9th and didn't lose it. They won the old fashioned way, having a lead and maintaining it through the end of the ballgame, no biggie.

NOT SO MUCH WITH THE BIG BANGERS. Yes, our kickball team had the lead in the bottom of the 9th, but a double by some white guy on the other team led to a tie ball game going into extra innings.

It was intense. A playoff atmosphere. And when Bergson kicked a single to bring home Modz's friend Amelia, anarchy broke loose. I can honestly say this was the most exciting sporting event I've been a part of in years, so YAY that we won.

As far as the rest of the night goes, we all went to a bar nearby and took over, with two tables of beer pong and plenty of random karaoke singers surrounding us. After a couple hours there and people trickling in and out, I left alone, to find myself outside of a chic club with a guy named DeShawn and a girl named Shawnda....no relation, i promise, i asked.

I went in by pretending to be "a friend of Bergson," who is not only not a big shot, but wasn't even at the bar or had ever heard of it. Ha, i don't know how that worked, but I only stayed for 2 minutes. I walked out to a tall blonde kid who freaked out when he saw me. I guess we went to Washu together, but i had no recollection of who he was. I just kept calling him bud or bro, which worked like a charm. I hate my frickin borderline alzheimers, i really wish i remembered him.

Next, I walked down avenue A until I ran into a bunch of cameras and lights flashing. I was guessing some sort of photo shoot, then i noticed two girls arguing with a guy. I didn't like his attitude. So I stood up to him on their behalf. They liked that. I'm a mench. He sort of sucked, but after they left, we talked for a while, and he likes StreetEasy. That's what I like to hear.

jared, out