Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
NOOOOOO
I just realized today that my 21st birthday falls on Election Day 2008. So no one will give a crap about my birthday. Any bar I go to will be comparing red and blue states instead of showing sports games. This sucks! I want frickin attention!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
One week left- TIME TO BITCH ABOUT MY ROOMMATE
Whats up world. I haven't blogged in about a month. I know, lame-sauce.
Instead of blogging about what's happened in my life, I will just tell stories of how my semester has gone with my girl roommate, Liat. I have one week left with her, and I figure that if she has time to read my blog considering how much she bitches about exams, she deserves to deal with the stories the world is about to hear about.
A few months ago, you could read about my ranting and raving about my cool girl roommate. Things went downhill. If you havent heard, she is American, lived in the states most of her life but has lived in Israel for 4 years, and has practically forgotten her English. here are examples, with translations:
"Jared, Sound to the words that I am saying"
Translation: Listen to me.
(after I invited 13 people to sleep over and didn't tell her until the day of)
"Overall you were very inconsiderable"
translation: you were inconsiderate
"Pass me the 'alloomineeum'"
translation: pass the aluminum foil
me: "garnis fructis shampoo? that's the one with the green bottle?" (don't judge me for knowing that)
Liat: "Ahhh, very attentative of you"
translation: Very attentive
OTHER STORIES:
One day I bought packaged Gnocchi to cook for myself. I came home, and it was gone. She said "oops, I ate your gnocchi. I will buy you a new one." The next day, I found a new package! She had bought me a new package! Sweet! Later that night I came back to the apartment after basketball to cook it, and.....it was gone. She had eaten the new one that she had bought me as a nice gesture. And when I complained she told me to shove my gnocchi, jello, and shnitzel (foods of mine she had eaten) into "a place I can't say." Come on, just say 'shove it up your ass.' Don't be appropriate if you're being a complete bitch.
I guess I have a habit of inviting people over to sleep over without telling her till the day of, like when her mom was staying in the apartment and woke up with 5 guys sleeping on the floor of the living room. Oops. I don't feel bad, I didn't know about her mom sleeping over until the day before, so f her.
SO 2 DAYS AGO, Shane's friend Carlye was staying over and I was afraid to tell Liat. So I didn't. Liat was in the kitchen cutting salad with a huge steak knife, and looked at Carlye and said "Are you staying over?" Carlye said, "yes."
Liat responded, pointing the knife at us, "If your roommate didn't tell you someone was staying over until the day of, and you had a huge knife in your hand, what would you do?"
I replied, timidly, "keep cutting my salad?"
Her answer, accompanied by drastic body gestures and a straight face: "No, I would STAB HIM IN THE HEART AND TWIST THE KNIFE INSIDE OF HIM."
All in all, any roommates I have in the future will seem like angels after this semester, and I will treat them accordingly. This doesn't mean I'm excited to leave Israel, I actually have no interest in going home. But still....oy.
Instead of blogging about what's happened in my life, I will just tell stories of how my semester has gone with my girl roommate, Liat. I have one week left with her, and I figure that if she has time to read my blog considering how much she bitches about exams, she deserves to deal with the stories the world is about to hear about.
A few months ago, you could read about my ranting and raving about my cool girl roommate. Things went downhill. If you havent heard, she is American, lived in the states most of her life but has lived in Israel for 4 years, and has practically forgotten her English. here are examples, with translations:
"Jared, Sound to the words that I am saying"
Translation: Listen to me.
(after I invited 13 people to sleep over and didn't tell her until the day of)
"Overall you were very inconsiderable"
translation: you were inconsiderate
"Pass me the 'alloomineeum'"
translation: pass the aluminum foil
me: "garnis fructis shampoo? that's the one with the green bottle?" (don't judge me for knowing that)
Liat: "Ahhh, very attentative of you"
translation: Very attentive
OTHER STORIES:
One day I bought packaged Gnocchi to cook for myself. I came home, and it was gone. She said "oops, I ate your gnocchi. I will buy you a new one." The next day, I found a new package! She had bought me a new package! Sweet! Later that night I came back to the apartment after basketball to cook it, and.....it was gone. She had eaten the new one that she had bought me as a nice gesture. And when I complained she told me to shove my gnocchi, jello, and shnitzel (foods of mine she had eaten) into "a place I can't say." Come on, just say 'shove it up your ass.' Don't be appropriate if you're being a complete bitch.
I guess I have a habit of inviting people over to sleep over without telling her till the day of, like when her mom was staying in the apartment and woke up with 5 guys sleeping on the floor of the living room. Oops. I don't feel bad, I didn't know about her mom sleeping over until the day before, so f her.
SO 2 DAYS AGO, Shane's friend Carlye was staying over and I was afraid to tell Liat. So I didn't. Liat was in the kitchen cutting salad with a huge steak knife, and looked at Carlye and said "Are you staying over?" Carlye said, "yes."
Liat responded, pointing the knife at us, "If your roommate didn't tell you someone was staying over until the day of, and you had a huge knife in your hand, what would you do?"
I replied, timidly, "keep cutting my salad?"
Her answer, accompanied by drastic body gestures and a straight face: "No, I would STAB HIM IN THE HEART AND TWIST THE KNIFE INSIDE OF HIM."
All in all, any roommates I have in the future will seem like angels after this semester, and I will treat them accordingly. This doesn't mean I'm excited to leave Israel, I actually have no interest in going home. But still....oy.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Jared? Busy? I thought he just sat around on facebook?
The truth is, I still use facebook. But since my hard drive failed, I've been doing less blogging, stalking, and alone boring chat time. I know I've let down anyone who reads my blog, but its a good thing.
The day after Independence day we threw a shabbat dinner at my place in Herzliya. 25 people came, including 13 people from our Jerusalem crew. It could've been perfect, but the combination of girl roommate's analness and the fact that I didn't tell her about it until 5 hours before didnt help my cause. The night started really awk, with jerusalem not bonding with IDC at all, but eventually it got better and ended with an awesome pop song session. Good stuff.
Funniest part of the night involved Jules, my best friend in the whole world who I love dearly. I've always thought of him as a good guy, a good friend. It turns out his first impression isn't as good.
Julie, Girl Roommate Liat's best friend, approached Jules in the middle of dinner. Immediately, in her Danish accent, she says "I do not like you." Jules was shocked, and asked why. Her response: "You are arrogant, bitch."
If you could hear the accent, you'd laugh your dick off (or breasts, for the ladies). He responded "In our country, we would say to that 'go fuck yourself.'" She laughed. He said "No, seriously, go fuck yourself." We were all very amused.
Since then, things have been pretty busy. Sir Sean Wallis has been in town on birthright, along with other cool peeps like Ariel and Haley. Been partying with them, showed them Jerusalem, where the amount of people we ran into almost made me look cool. It seemed like everyone I knew from Denver, WashU, Toronto, Camp, and Israel decided to hang out in a two block radius, and even if they had seen me the day before, acted like it was a special occasion. I felt super sweet. And I was wearing Jules' blazer. I've never worn a blazer really, even moreso a Courderoy one. I looked borderline metrosexual, sort of "peacock theory" (The Game reference anyone??) and it worked.
I frickin love Israel. I have been thinking of a way to give back to the country without joining army like our lame friends who'd rather "fight for a cause they believe in" than "sit around drinking in a frat basement joking about porn."
I think I've come up with a solution. I want to do what the Ivery kids at Western did. I want to plan a trip for the Olin B-School where Jews and non-Jews would come to Israel on a business oriented trip to learn about how the country engages in International Business amidst the turmoil of the middle east. It could be frickin sweet, people could get a lot out of it. Any interest? Holler at me.
Ya i know, my blogs used to be funnier and less serious and long and shit. Well, I actually do stuff now. Ive never been happier in my life, things can't get any better. But I am coming home soon, living in NY this summer starting June 21st. Get ready for me big city, I may have lost weight, but I'm still huge where it counts--- my drive to succeed, obvi. I'm gonna start paying attention in class, this teacher has lost everyone, and I will ask a question so he thinks that I actually care. I will let you know how it goes.
The day after Independence day we threw a shabbat dinner at my place in Herzliya. 25 people came, including 13 people from our Jerusalem crew. It could've been perfect, but the combination of girl roommate's analness and the fact that I didn't tell her about it until 5 hours before didnt help my cause. The night started really awk, with jerusalem not bonding with IDC at all, but eventually it got better and ended with an awesome pop song session. Good stuff.
Funniest part of the night involved Jules, my best friend in the whole world who I love dearly. I've always thought of him as a good guy, a good friend. It turns out his first impression isn't as good.
Julie, Girl Roommate Liat's best friend, approached Jules in the middle of dinner. Immediately, in her Danish accent, she says "I do not like you." Jules was shocked, and asked why. Her response: "You are arrogant, bitch."
If you could hear the accent, you'd laugh your dick off (or breasts, for the ladies). He responded "In our country, we would say to that 'go fuck yourself.'" She laughed. He said "No, seriously, go fuck yourself." We were all very amused.
Since then, things have been pretty busy. Sir Sean Wallis has been in town on birthright, along with other cool peeps like Ariel and Haley. Been partying with them, showed them Jerusalem, where the amount of people we ran into almost made me look cool. It seemed like everyone I knew from Denver, WashU, Toronto, Camp, and Israel decided to hang out in a two block radius, and even if they had seen me the day before, acted like it was a special occasion. I felt super sweet. And I was wearing Jules' blazer. I've never worn a blazer really, even moreso a Courderoy one. I looked borderline metrosexual, sort of "peacock theory" (The Game reference anyone??) and it worked.
I frickin love Israel. I have been thinking of a way to give back to the country without joining army like our lame friends who'd rather "fight for a cause they believe in" than "sit around drinking in a frat basement joking about porn."
I think I've come up with a solution. I want to do what the Ivery kids at Western did. I want to plan a trip for the Olin B-School where Jews and non-Jews would come to Israel on a business oriented trip to learn about how the country engages in International Business amidst the turmoil of the middle east. It could be frickin sweet, people could get a lot out of it. Any interest? Holler at me.
Ya i know, my blogs used to be funnier and less serious and long and shit. Well, I actually do stuff now. Ive never been happier in my life, things can't get any better. But I am coming home soon, living in NY this summer starting June 21st. Get ready for me big city, I may have lost weight, but I'm still huge where it counts--- my drive to succeed, obvi. I'm gonna start paying attention in class, this teacher has lost everyone, and I will ask a question so he thinks that I actually care. I will let you know how it goes.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Indepenence Day, the balagan of balagans
Yesterday was Yom Haatzmaut, independence day, the 60th anniversary of the state of Israel. Big deal, the country has been preppin for it for months and months. It didn't disappoint.
The night started with Ollie, Joseph, Sam, Tomer and I driving into Tel Aviv around 8ish, picking up Matt on our way. Def not enough room in Ollie's car for 6, but I had shotgun so SUCK IT. We went to Rabin Square, where they were set up for an enormous concert and we met Adir. It felt like the entire country was there, but we had amazing seats and found ourselves in the middle of all the action. We sat drinking before the concert started, and the fact that its legal to just sit around with open alcohol in public around kids and such still blows my mind.
A couple highlights from the night:
1. We were dancing midway through the concert, and adir took off his shirt and handed one end of it to me so we could dance with it together. Tomer immediately says "LIMBO!" and within a minute we had about 25 people limbo-ing under the t shirt in the middle of the party. Classic. I'm not flexible enough to impress, so I did it early on then took the role of "jerk who holds the limbo pole and pulls it down as people go under so they fall." I'm a good guy but I feel like there's no other way to limbo-hold.
2. We got to the street party on Florentine, and at one point, for some unknown reason, Ollie and I decided it was a good idea to pretend to be angry drunks and smash the ends of beer bottles and fake fight. Well, Ollie's didnt crack, and mine cracked too much, giving me a lil papercut on my thumb. Bummer!
3. At around 5:00 am, Ollie and Matt and I drove to Jerusalem, getting in around 5 45ish. I thought we'd be sleeping when we got here, but instead I was surprised to find myself at a early morning rave. It was light out, and kids were mad-drugged out and doing weird dance moves. We were awfully uncomfortable, so we decided to imitate them and dance as if we too were stoned out of our minds. We weren't, but someone was videotaping us, and Im sure I could fool most. I'm an excellent actor, in my post blog life I plan on doing that. Or just get a legit job.
Went to bed around 7 on Jules' floor, woken up at 9. Successful night, happy Birthday Israel.
The night started with Ollie, Joseph, Sam, Tomer and I driving into Tel Aviv around 8ish, picking up Matt on our way. Def not enough room in Ollie's car for 6, but I had shotgun so SUCK IT. We went to Rabin Square, where they were set up for an enormous concert and we met Adir. It felt like the entire country was there, but we had amazing seats and found ourselves in the middle of all the action. We sat drinking before the concert started, and the fact that its legal to just sit around with open alcohol in public around kids and such still blows my mind.
A couple highlights from the night:
1. We were dancing midway through the concert, and adir took off his shirt and handed one end of it to me so we could dance with it together. Tomer immediately says "LIMBO!" and within a minute we had about 25 people limbo-ing under the t shirt in the middle of the party. Classic. I'm not flexible enough to impress, so I did it early on then took the role of "jerk who holds the limbo pole and pulls it down as people go under so they fall." I'm a good guy but I feel like there's no other way to limbo-hold.
2. We got to the street party on Florentine, and at one point, for some unknown reason, Ollie and I decided it was a good idea to pretend to be angry drunks and smash the ends of beer bottles and fake fight. Well, Ollie's didnt crack, and mine cracked too much, giving me a lil papercut on my thumb. Bummer!
3. At around 5:00 am, Ollie and Matt and I drove to Jerusalem, getting in around 5 45ish. I thought we'd be sleeping when we got here, but instead I was surprised to find myself at a early morning rave. It was light out, and kids were mad-drugged out and doing weird dance moves. We were awfully uncomfortable, so we decided to imitate them and dance as if we too were stoned out of our minds. We weren't, but someone was videotaping us, and Im sure I could fool most. I'm an excellent actor, in my post blog life I plan on doing that. Or just get a legit job.
Went to bed around 7 on Jules' floor, woken up at 9. Successful night, happy Birthday Israel.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Back to Blogging
Sorry for the 5 days without blogging. My hard drive failed, so now I don't have a computer. Imagine, me without a computer. Today I had my first class of the semester without facebook and ESPN. Brutal. I lost every picture from my childhood, every script I've ever written, and worst of all, my copy of "Snood." Damn.
I should probably blog starting from the weekend. On thursday I went into Jerusalem around midday to pick up Shaun's mom and take her around Jerusalem. Leah and I accompanied her back to the apartment, where we were let down--no touring Jerusalem, she wanted to sleep. LAME, SHAUNS MOM. That night was Shaun and Jules' tekes, their induction into the army for real where they get their guns and division tags. It was pretty sweet, and the coolest part about it was seeing how many people (about 25 kids our ageish) showed up just for them. Sweet. I was on my Jewish geography game with a bunch of heb u girls who afterword told me I had a "fan club," a situation which I never thought I would have until I was either a Degrassi character or on the news for saving a child's life in a burning fire. Well, either way, good confidence boost, considering all the attention was being given to Jules and Shaun for "fighting for the country." Geez.
That night was "mamash sababa." Yah, thats the best way to describe it, no stories necessary.
Adir and I drove to Tel Aviv the next day, and I spent shabbat and the weekend with Jared C., chillin on the beach and goin out and such. Yesterday surprise bday party for anat, played ball, then went to Tel to watch the Maccabi TA game with Adir and Ollie. Maccabi lost, buzz kill.
Busy week ahead, with Independence day and birthright and such. Blogging is sort of lame when youre just telling stories, so I just want to vent about stuff.
I don't think I'm getting better at basketball. I play prob 3 or 4 times a week. That's a lot. And we play pretty hard, with a solid crew of guys coming out every time. But I still miss all kinds of shots. And at least when I was fat I could blame it on the fat. Now I have no one to blame it on but my dad for not giving me more naturally athletic genes, instead of "work ethic" genes. Oh btw, SCREW anats brother yehuda. He seemed nice until we were at a bar and he said "Jared, you play basketball? You don't look athletic at all." You suck little kid. Thats why I've decided to start pumping iron just on my biceps so people get a better first impression. Girls won't see my abs till I'm already topless with them, and I figure theyre already with me, so it's not a big deal. Bicep time is now. K good stuff, yalla bye.
I should probably blog starting from the weekend. On thursday I went into Jerusalem around midday to pick up Shaun's mom and take her around Jerusalem. Leah and I accompanied her back to the apartment, where we were let down--no touring Jerusalem, she wanted to sleep. LAME, SHAUNS MOM. That night was Shaun and Jules' tekes, their induction into the army for real where they get their guns and division tags. It was pretty sweet, and the coolest part about it was seeing how many people (about 25 kids our ageish) showed up just for them. Sweet. I was on my Jewish geography game with a bunch of heb u girls who afterword told me I had a "fan club," a situation which I never thought I would have until I was either a Degrassi character or on the news for saving a child's life in a burning fire. Well, either way, good confidence boost, considering all the attention was being given to Jules and Shaun for "fighting for the country." Geez.
That night was "mamash sababa." Yah, thats the best way to describe it, no stories necessary.
Adir and I drove to Tel Aviv the next day, and I spent shabbat and the weekend with Jared C., chillin on the beach and goin out and such. Yesterday surprise bday party for anat, played ball, then went to Tel to watch the Maccabi TA game with Adir and Ollie. Maccabi lost, buzz kill.
Busy week ahead, with Independence day and birthright and such. Blogging is sort of lame when youre just telling stories, so I just want to vent about stuff.
I don't think I'm getting better at basketball. I play prob 3 or 4 times a week. That's a lot. And we play pretty hard, with a solid crew of guys coming out every time. But I still miss all kinds of shots. And at least when I was fat I could blame it on the fat. Now I have no one to blame it on but my dad for not giving me more naturally athletic genes, instead of "work ethic" genes. Oh btw, SCREW anats brother yehuda. He seemed nice until we were at a bar and he said "Jared, you play basketball? You don't look athletic at all." You suck little kid. Thats why I've decided to start pumping iron just on my biceps so people get a better first impression. Girls won't see my abs till I'm already topless with them, and I figure theyre already with me, so it's not a big deal. Bicep time is now. K good stuff, yalla bye.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
STUPID WOMAN ROOMMATE
The best thing about having a woman roommate like Liat is that she doesn't read my blog. The worse part about her will be described below.
WARNING: "INTO THE WILD" MOVIE SPOILER
Last night the three roommates decided to sit down to watch a movie none of us had seen, "Into the Wild." We settled in, and while the first credits are rolling and we see the first appearance of the main character, woman roommate declares: "It's too bad that he dies, but at least he dies happy."
We looked at her, in complete shock. What a frickin idiot. The movie was great, but we knew what was gonna happen, completely destroying the full fun of watching it. I have decided that if I live with a platonic woman roommate again, I will muzzle her before movies, or just make sure when i pick her to be my roommate that she isn't a F-ING TARD. Sorry, I'm just upset.
WARNING: "INTO THE WILD" MOVIE SPOILER
Last night the three roommates decided to sit down to watch a movie none of us had seen, "Into the Wild." We settled in, and while the first credits are rolling and we see the first appearance of the main character, woman roommate declares: "It's too bad that he dies, but at least he dies happy."
We looked at her, in complete shock. What a frickin idiot. The movie was great, but we knew what was gonna happen, completely destroying the full fun of watching it. I have decided that if I live with a platonic woman roommate again, I will muzzle her before movies, or just make sure when i pick her to be my roommate that she isn't a F-ING TARD. Sorry, I'm just upset.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Evolution of Jared
In my life I occasionally find moments of perfection, fragments of seconds where everything around me is working out just as it is supposed to be. It's unreasonable to expect these moments 24/7, and in the past I have learned to appreciate them when they come along.
This past weekend was a little less moments, and a little more of...everything worked out. Everything worked out and was so easy and pleasurable that I lost my cell phone, but couldn't care less. (Oh yah, if you have an Israeli cell phone number, I lost it and need it)
Took the 5 hour bus ride from Tel Aviv to Eilat on Thursday to meet my weekend travel group- Torey, Courtney, Faith, Chelsea, and Lauryn. Yah, Jared and 5 girls. Pimp daddy. We spent the day relaxing on the beach, taking in the sun and appreciating the techno music of the seashore. Eilat is like a Mexican Spring break spot, but the guys wear tighter bathing suits than the girls. Not quite the turn-on an American looks for during a beach day, but oh well.
Dan Dan met up with us on the beach, then left after the cell phone debacle. The girls weren't sick of me yet, I wasn't sick of them, so far so good. Went to dinner that night, and in typical me-fashion, I ate all-you-can-eat meat and the girls ate salad. Fine, Faith had some chicken. But still, I asserted my man-ness with that meal.
The next morning we headed for Petra, giving me my first stamp from an Arab country on my passport. Other than the tour guide, I was the only guy, as our group was joined by 4 older women from Israel/Germany. So Ali, our tour guide, gave me a Petra hat and constantly picked on me as if I was the token gay friend who should be outcast for hanging out with girls instead of guys.
Petra was spectacular. The heat wasn't overpowering, and the sights were beautiful. All the hype was worth it, and we all had a pretty good time. Other than watching the donkeys that are used as taxis for people that can't do the 4km hike. There were little kids riding these donkeys treating them like the Jews in "Prince of Egypt," including a 8 year old whose eyes looked like that girl from Heroes with black eyes. He decided that whipping his donkey in the face at all times was a better tactic than giving it some kicks and clicking his teeth or something. It was disturbing. Overall, the hike was awesome, including our pictorial depiction of "Evolution of Man" seen above.
Returned from Petra to find Jules and Shaun, who had come to surprise the girls. Because no kosher restaurants were open, we decided to grill on the beach for dinner. It was the perfect Israel night, as well all drank and ate the most delicious burgers on matzah for hours and hours. Perfect.
The next day was spent on a different beach in Eilat, where we rented snorkels and relaxed for the day. Supposedly the Red Sea has the second best diving and snorkeling to the Great Barrier Reef. So did I have the second best time compared to what I could have had in Australia? No. I capitalized, and enjoyed dem fishies that we were lucky enough to check out.
All was great until Jules and I ventured a bit farther than we probably should've....then BAM, I was in the middle of "Finding Nemo" and I was surrounded by Jelly fish on all sides. Pretty crazy. I escaped with no pain, and instead of getting angry at the jellies, Faith and I befriended one of them. We named her Violet, and carried her around the beach for a bit. That's the three of us below. Me Violet and Faith. Menage-twawesome.
That night we went out to the boardwalk for some good fun, partying on the beach followed by some risk taking, compliments of the Slingshot Ride that shoots two people at a time hundreds of feet in the air, overlooking the whole city. Most of us went, and the experience was complimented by the owner of the ride constantly dedicating songs to me and Torey and our love for each other. It was quite amusing, considering he was dedicating some slow dance songs and some techno beats, none of which we really knew (other than the song we flew in the air during, Lose Yourself by Eminem. hot beat).
Came back to Herzliya yesterday, and now I'm in class for the first time in 26 days. My life is amazing. In the next few weeks I get to see Sean, Shane, Grace, Max, Perlman....the list goes on and on. Should be busy, but I can't wait.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Religious Jews can be real jerks
Yay for passover in Israel. In the states it can be tough to keep passover; our friends will break the rules, we will keep them but still struggle to avoid temptation, etc. But here, it's easy peasy. The grocery stores are only kosher for passover. I've been searching for bread in Herzliya with no success thus far. Too bad.
You may be wondering why I'm angry at Orthodox Judaism right now. Well, it stems from an event that occurred this past Saturday. Shaun, Courtney, Torey, Jules and I had been relaxing in a park, appreciating the nice Jerusalem weather on the calm sabbath afternoon. We thought, shit, its almost passover, lets go get some lunch with some bread before it's forbidden! So we went to the closest restaurant, sat outside, and ordered Sloppy Joes and Club sandwiches.
Well, supposedly you're not supposed to eat bread after 10am the day of the first seder if its on a saturday night. Even if we had known this, hey, I need a sloppy joe and the Big Guy upstairs will understand if I have one final sandwich before depriving myself for the rest of the week.
The Haredi Orthodox Jews didn't sympathize. Mid-sandwich we heard some screaming and chanting coming from around the corner, assuming it was some rally that would pass. As the group of 40 or so Black-hat men approached, we realized that they weren't on a parade around town: they were coming for us.
The group stood in front of our table screaming "Shabbat!" and "Hametz!" (levened bread), almost like a trained acappella group. THen they would go silent and one would scream something like "Assooora leechol hametz beyom Shabbas a kodesh leefney Hag Pesach!" (its forbidden to eat hametz on shabbat before the holiday of passover) or something like that, and the second he finished his sentence the rest of them would go off screaming again and pretending to cry to the Lord. Or maybe they weren't pretending. Maybe my sloppy joe brought tears to their eyes. Speaking of their eyes, they had to shut them because they aren't allowed to look at women. Can you imagine? Not looking at women? And I thought that my life was tough. Geez.
Anyway, I decided to do the right thing, which I thought they would be happy about: I told them they were right, I threw my sandwich down and said "Yah, It is forbidden! You are so right!I am not going to finish this sandwich!" They weren't amused. But the Cops came, and all was safe.
The whole thing, in my opinion, was embarrassing for religious Judaism. Even if it's forbidden to eat bread, its just as much of a sin to pass judgment on someone else. If Israel doesn't survive as a state, it won't be because of our battle with the arab nations- it will be our inability to coexist as Jews. Let's hope things change.
I'll be in Herzliya this week until Thursday, when I travel on my adventure to Eilat and Petra, Jordan. It will be One Man (me) and 5 Women (Team Canada). Should be some great great times. YAY ABROAD
You may be wondering why I'm angry at Orthodox Judaism right now. Well, it stems from an event that occurred this past Saturday. Shaun, Courtney, Torey, Jules and I had been relaxing in a park, appreciating the nice Jerusalem weather on the calm sabbath afternoon. We thought, shit, its almost passover, lets go get some lunch with some bread before it's forbidden! So we went to the closest restaurant, sat outside, and ordered Sloppy Joes and Club sandwiches.
Well, supposedly you're not supposed to eat bread after 10am the day of the first seder if its on a saturday night. Even if we had known this, hey, I need a sloppy joe and the Big Guy upstairs will understand if I have one final sandwich before depriving myself for the rest of the week.
The Haredi Orthodox Jews didn't sympathize. Mid-sandwich we heard some screaming and chanting coming from around the corner, assuming it was some rally that would pass. As the group of 40 or so Black-hat men approached, we realized that they weren't on a parade around town: they were coming for us.
The group stood in front of our table screaming "Shabbat!" and "Hametz!" (levened bread), almost like a trained acappella group. THen they would go silent and one would scream something like "Assooora leechol hametz beyom Shabbas a kodesh leefney Hag Pesach!" (its forbidden to eat hametz on shabbat before the holiday of passover) or something like that, and the second he finished his sentence the rest of them would go off screaming again and pretending to cry to the Lord. Or maybe they weren't pretending. Maybe my sloppy joe brought tears to their eyes. Speaking of their eyes, they had to shut them because they aren't allowed to look at women. Can you imagine? Not looking at women? And I thought that my life was tough. Geez.
Anyway, I decided to do the right thing, which I thought they would be happy about: I told them they were right, I threw my sandwich down and said "Yah, It is forbidden! You are so right!I am not going to finish this sandwich!" They weren't amused. But the Cops came, and all was safe.
The whole thing, in my opinion, was embarrassing for religious Judaism. Even if it's forbidden to eat bread, its just as much of a sin to pass judgment on someone else. If Israel doesn't survive as a state, it won't be because of our battle with the arab nations- it will be our inability to coexist as Jews. Let's hope things change.
I'll be in Herzliya this week until Thursday, when I travel on my adventure to Eilat and Petra, Jordan. It will be One Man (me) and 5 Women (Team Canada). Should be some great great times. YAY ABROAD
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Finding my Roots...oy
People come from all around the world to "find their roots" in Israel, citing some connection to their relgion or just to the land itself. I didn't find this metaphysical connection upon moving here--it took a few months, and a trip with my parents to figure it out.
Mom, Dad, and I went on a trip around the north, which was pretty boring. Too much driving. On our way back, we stopped at an ancient ruin in Caesaria. It is one of Israel's oldest ruins, dating to before the time when Jesus was kickin it here.
Before I tell this story, I thought you should know that when I was in Rome, walking through the forum, I had to pee reaallllly bad. But I held it in, not wanting to pee on anything noteworthy, and found a toilet. Yah.
Back to Israel, lets compare my Dad and I in size: he is an inch taller than me, several pounds heavier than me....and has a bladder 1/8 the size of mine. This issue kicked in in the middle of our walking tour of the ruins. And as you see below....
Dad "ruined the ruins." Pretty awful, I know. I hope no one from the government reads this.
Well this taught me something. I know exactly where I came from- Art and Joanne Kleinstein. And while the people around me may have shaped the way I talk or crack jokes, I am who I am today because of the two peeps that raised me. I think they did a good job. Oh yah, and I also realized this at dinner last night with both mine and Kahan's families, when my Dad was asked "What do you use the computer for?"
His response: "All I know how to do is check my e-mail, get golf tee times, and watch Porn."
That explains a lot. Peace out.
Mom, Dad, and I went on a trip around the north, which was pretty boring. Too much driving. On our way back, we stopped at an ancient ruin in Caesaria. It is one of Israel's oldest ruins, dating to before the time when Jesus was kickin it here.
Before I tell this story, I thought you should know that when I was in Rome, walking through the forum, I had to pee reaallllly bad. But I held it in, not wanting to pee on anything noteworthy, and found a toilet. Yah.
Back to Israel, lets compare my Dad and I in size: he is an inch taller than me, several pounds heavier than me....and has a bladder 1/8 the size of mine. This issue kicked in in the middle of our walking tour of the ruins. And as you see below....
Dad "ruined the ruins." Pretty awful, I know. I hope no one from the government reads this.
Well this taught me something. I know exactly where I came from- Art and Joanne Kleinstein. And while the people around me may have shaped the way I talk or crack jokes, I am who I am today because of the two peeps that raised me. I think they did a good job. Oh yah, and I also realized this at dinner last night with both mine and Kahan's families, when my Dad was asked "What do you use the computer for?"
His response: "All I know how to do is check my e-mail, get golf tee times, and watch Porn."
That explains a lot. Peace out.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Mommy, Daddy, and Adir's birthday!
So Art and Joanne showed up in the homeland, and obviously the country got instantaneously funner.....more fun....actually, I prefer funner.
I met them in Jerusalem, got them settled in, then went out for a nice little happy birthday Adir dinner with them. Mom and Dad are excellent entertainment-- when I get married I want to amuse my kids and their friends the way Art and Joanne amuse us.
See, they've mastered the combination of "awkward as fuck" and "semi cool parents" along with a little "we quibble a lot just because it gives us something to do." I think it's a good style.
ON TO THE BIRTHDAY. It started in the Kramer Hoffman Bama apartment, where Dad held his first gun. He closed one eye to see out the scope--this didn't help, as he is probably legally blind in the eye he was using. Note to self: don't let Art join the army.
Once he left the partay, a couple more people showed up. It's passover, so tons of people were out of town. Poor Adir, was no one going to show up for his party?
Well, the party started filling in, and we had a solid crew of people who really love Adir and his accent and singing voice. As we took more and more drinks, we had more and more fun (naturally, I can't see us having a good time without the influence of alcohol, duhhhh). Eventually, I found myself in Shaun's room with Faith and Adir singing pop songs at the top of our lungs, and once we were joined by Jules and Becca, the most amazing renditions of "F*ck a Dog" and "F*ck her gently" were pronounced by the group. It seemed that "f*cking" was the theme of the nights songs, so spice girls didnt quite fit in. But we sang them anyway.
We decided that after about 3.5 hours of pregaming, it may be time to go to the bars (after we peed out the window right next to the apartment instead of walking 10 feet to the toilet). Well, that didnt work out. We just ended up walking around and finding a great shnitzel place right next to the bars, where Adir doesn't remember eating a full meal. A few minutes later I found him sitting in the middle of the street, sunglasses on, posing like a model without knowing we were looking at him. So far so good for a 21st bday, eh??
His eyes looked asian, and because we assumed Jules was going to get with the anonymous Boulder army girl who was out with us, I went with Adir to stay in his apartment and take care of him. When we got there, he touched the door, assumed it was locked, and decided to climb up the side of the building to sneak in. His keys were in his pocket the whole time. Oy.
Spent the next few days impressing the parents with my Hebrew and sitting by the pool at their hotel swimming with the guys. We're back in Herzliya now, and more PG fun is sure to come with them in town. We are going to a winery tomorrow, and if it's anything like the weddings my dad drinks wine at, expect pictures of him dancing topless.
I met them in Jerusalem, got them settled in, then went out for a nice little happy birthday Adir dinner with them. Mom and Dad are excellent entertainment-- when I get married I want to amuse my kids and their friends the way Art and Joanne amuse us.
See, they've mastered the combination of "awkward as fuck" and "semi cool parents" along with a little "we quibble a lot just because it gives us something to do." I think it's a good style.
ON TO THE BIRTHDAY. It started in the Kramer Hoffman Bama apartment, where Dad held his first gun. He closed one eye to see out the scope--this didn't help, as he is probably legally blind in the eye he was using. Note to self: don't let Art join the army.
Once he left the partay, a couple more people showed up. It's passover, so tons of people were out of town. Poor Adir, was no one going to show up for his party?
Well, the party started filling in, and we had a solid crew of people who really love Adir and his accent and singing voice. As we took more and more drinks, we had more and more fun (naturally, I can't see us having a good time without the influence of alcohol, duhhhh). Eventually, I found myself in Shaun's room with Faith and Adir singing pop songs at the top of our lungs, and once we were joined by Jules and Becca, the most amazing renditions of "F*ck a Dog" and "F*ck her gently" were pronounced by the group. It seemed that "f*cking" was the theme of the nights songs, so spice girls didnt quite fit in. But we sang them anyway.
We decided that after about 3.5 hours of pregaming, it may be time to go to the bars (after we peed out the window right next to the apartment instead of walking 10 feet to the toilet). Well, that didnt work out. We just ended up walking around and finding a great shnitzel place right next to the bars, where Adir doesn't remember eating a full meal. A few minutes later I found him sitting in the middle of the street, sunglasses on, posing like a model without knowing we were looking at him. So far so good for a 21st bday, eh??
His eyes looked asian, and because we assumed Jules was going to get with the anonymous Boulder army girl who was out with us, I went with Adir to stay in his apartment and take care of him. When we got there, he touched the door, assumed it was locked, and decided to climb up the side of the building to sneak in. His keys were in his pocket the whole time. Oy.
Spent the next few days impressing the parents with my Hebrew and sitting by the pool at their hotel swimming with the guys. We're back in Herzliya now, and more PG fun is sure to come with them in town. We are going to a winery tomorrow, and if it's anything like the weddings my dad drinks wine at, expect pictures of him dancing topless.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Italy #2-- how could the worst pizza in the world be in Rome?
Yayyy free time. Sorta. Mom and Dad are in town, so I am pretty busy, but I have a few minutes to blog a bit more about what went down during the rest of my tenure in Italia.
After we said peace out to Bergson and Team Sussex, I went on a walking tour of Florence. It turns out there are a ton of churches and paintings....and that's about it. I'm not saying churches and paintings are lame, I honestly was in awe of every single dome, statue, and piece of artwork I saw. But still, it got to the point where I just wanted a change in pace, like a church that had some music playing and maybe some pictures of Jesus actually having a fun time instead of acting all miz on the cross. One thing that stood out-- The David. It was probably because of the architecture of the room, but honestly it just looked so amazingly large and powerful where it stood. I was shocked, and no matter how many pics I see after, I'll never forget the first time I saw it. Below is a pic of Bergson licking the outdoor version of David, right smack on the penis, while Phil cups the berries.
The next day Shara and I went to a small Tuscan town, Lucca, which has a circumference of about 5 km. I only mention this distance because the town is surrounded by a really old school wall, and Shara and I spent a few hours biking around it, overlooking the city, on reallly straight neon yellow bikes. It was beautiful. About 5 minutes in, we wanted to take a picture, and handed our cameras to a nice old English lady. She stepped back to take the pictures with a little more depth, tripped on the cooblestone, and fell on her sad old behind, throwing the cameras in the process. My first reaction was "shit, the cameras" before I realized that I should think "shit, the old lady." Her friend explained that she had just received new hips, making Shara and I feel even worse. She eventually got up, and took the pics- what a trooper.
Our day eventually ended, and we headed back to Florence, where Shara passed out and I went out with Phil to watch the Final Four games. I have an amazing story from that night, but it's not blog appropriate----ask me about the "r.kelly" story if you want to know more details.
The next day I headed alone to Rome, as everyone else had class to go to. I saw the entire city (minus the vatican, I hear it's lame) in about 6 hours. It turns out walking alone to see sights is really quick: I sorta sped walked from spot to spot, seeing every sight I was told to see, taking pictures and appreciating, then moving on. I started at the Colosseum, which is awesome, went throught the Palatine, the Roman Forum, to The Jewish Ghetto (where I did a tour of the old synogogue, obvi), the Pantheon, the Trevi Fountain (see the picture below), the Spanish Steps, and any other Piazza I passed. Sweet stuff, eh?
Well, it would have been a more memorable experience if I hadnt stopped for lunch in the Kosher area of Rome. I thought, hey Jared, you're in Italy, the pizza has to be friggin sweet.
NOT. It may have been the kosher part, but regardless, the pizza sucked. Worse than Pizza Hut. Worse than Dominos. Even worse than those Lunchables Pizzas we made in 6th grade (which were pretty good, so they prob shouldn't be on this list). I can't wait for New York Pizza.
Got back to Florence that night and had dinner with Devra's family, who were also visiting from Denver. Delicious food, and even though I had been to the restaurant the night before, it tasted better because it was free.
That night we went out for "Beatles Night" at a place that Maddie R. goes to every week. Her, Phil and I rocked out for about 4 hours listening to the best Beatles cover band I've ever heard. They are also the only Beatles coverband I've heard, so they may have actually sucked. But I liked it. Phil and Maddie did "the pancake" for a few hours (see the picture), and overall it was an unbelievable night. We ended up in a "secret bakery," where we had to be verrrry quiet if we were to get our food. We got the most delicious donuts and croissants I've ever had. Especially that croissant, hot damn. I thought it would just be a croissant like all them frenchies eat, but then BAM it exploded with a chocolate cumshot in my mouth. Fantastic!
Spent the next day with Shara and Maddie, eating and seeing more of Florence. Overall, I'd say Italy was amazing, a great success. I was happy to be back in Israel because I like Hebrew more than Italian, but I still would fly back there for the people and the good times in a heartbeat.
I will do a new post tomorrow about Adir's bday, one of the funniest nights of the year. Stay tuned!
After we said peace out to Bergson and Team Sussex, I went on a walking tour of Florence. It turns out there are a ton of churches and paintings....and that's about it. I'm not saying churches and paintings are lame, I honestly was in awe of every single dome, statue, and piece of artwork I saw. But still, it got to the point where I just wanted a change in pace, like a church that had some music playing and maybe some pictures of Jesus actually having a fun time instead of acting all miz on the cross. One thing that stood out-- The David. It was probably because of the architecture of the room, but honestly it just looked so amazingly large and powerful where it stood. I was shocked, and no matter how many pics I see after, I'll never forget the first time I saw it. Below is a pic of Bergson licking the outdoor version of David, right smack on the penis, while Phil cups the berries.
The next day Shara and I went to a small Tuscan town, Lucca, which has a circumference of about 5 km. I only mention this distance because the town is surrounded by a really old school wall, and Shara and I spent a few hours biking around it, overlooking the city, on reallly straight neon yellow bikes. It was beautiful. About 5 minutes in, we wanted to take a picture, and handed our cameras to a nice old English lady. She stepped back to take the pictures with a little more depth, tripped on the cooblestone, and fell on her sad old behind, throwing the cameras in the process. My first reaction was "shit, the cameras" before I realized that I should think "shit, the old lady." Her friend explained that she had just received new hips, making Shara and I feel even worse. She eventually got up, and took the pics- what a trooper.
Our day eventually ended, and we headed back to Florence, where Shara passed out and I went out with Phil to watch the Final Four games. I have an amazing story from that night, but it's not blog appropriate----ask me about the "r.kelly" story if you want to know more details.
The next day I headed alone to Rome, as everyone else had class to go to. I saw the entire city (minus the vatican, I hear it's lame) in about 6 hours. It turns out walking alone to see sights is really quick: I sorta sped walked from spot to spot, seeing every sight I was told to see, taking pictures and appreciating, then moving on. I started at the Colosseum, which is awesome, went throught the Palatine, the Roman Forum, to The Jewish Ghetto (where I did a tour of the old synogogue, obvi), the Pantheon, the Trevi Fountain (see the picture below), the Spanish Steps, and any other Piazza I passed. Sweet stuff, eh?
Well, it would have been a more memorable experience if I hadnt stopped for lunch in the Kosher area of Rome. I thought, hey Jared, you're in Italy, the pizza has to be friggin sweet.
NOT. It may have been the kosher part, but regardless, the pizza sucked. Worse than Pizza Hut. Worse than Dominos. Even worse than those Lunchables Pizzas we made in 6th grade (which were pretty good, so they prob shouldn't be on this list). I can't wait for New York Pizza.
Got back to Florence that night and had dinner with Devra's family, who were also visiting from Denver. Delicious food, and even though I had been to the restaurant the night before, it tasted better because it was free.
That night we went out for "Beatles Night" at a place that Maddie R. goes to every week. Her, Phil and I rocked out for about 4 hours listening to the best Beatles cover band I've ever heard. They are also the only Beatles coverband I've heard, so they may have actually sucked. But I liked it. Phil and Maddie did "the pancake" for a few hours (see the picture), and overall it was an unbelievable night. We ended up in a "secret bakery," where we had to be verrrry quiet if we were to get our food. We got the most delicious donuts and croissants I've ever had. Especially that croissant, hot damn. I thought it would just be a croissant like all them frenchies eat, but then BAM it exploded with a chocolate cumshot in my mouth. Fantastic!
Spent the next day with Shara and Maddie, eating and seeing more of Florence. Overall, I'd say Italy was amazing, a great success. I was happy to be back in Israel because I like Hebrew more than Italian, but I still would fly back there for the people and the good times in a heartbeat.
I will do a new post tomorrow about Adir's bday, one of the funniest nights of the year. Stay tuned!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Italy post numero uno
Yay for being back from Italy! It was a pretty awesome week, and I plan on blogging in installments so I don't have to ignore my parents who are visiting Israel for too long at a time.
SO HERES HOW IT WENT DOWN TO START:
Flew to Verona, met a cool Israeli family before the flight that "adopted me" as one of their own. They didnt speak English to me, and they were constantly amused by my bad grammar. I bet their English grammar would've sucked, but I'm too nice to mock them like they mocked me.
Landed in Verona, saw the town. It's not half bad, but don't forget, I was alone. So I would look at big churches, nod my head and ask myself "isnt that beautiful?" and then respond to myself with either "yah, sweet architecture" or "meh, I've seen nicer." This is how the whole trip went whenever I traveled alone (ie a lot).
Spent the night in Verona in a hostel, in a room with about 11 European guys. They all seemed nice, but in the mornin, from my bottom bunk, I saw wayyy more than I wanted. I couldnt see faces because of my position on the bunk bed, but I could see tiny underwear that barely covered testes.
Took a train with some American girls to Venice, watched Finding Forrester the whole way there. Great flick, great acting. There were 5 minutes left when we arrived, so the girls and I sat in the train station watching it until that final scene where they play "somewhere over the rainbow." Could've been exploring Venice, chose Sean Connery. No regrets.
Once in Venice, I met up with Shara and Horan (WashU), and we did a sweet art history tour of the city. It's a pretty place, tons of pigeons. All of Italy is filled with pigeons. It seemed like the national animal, pretty lame choice for the country.
Trained back to Florence, where we met up with Bergson, Briskman, Joelle R., Nikki C, and Phil. It was a great night, went bar hopping then clubbing. Phil might be the best person to go out with in the entire world. If you're reading this Phil, I mean it. You are amazing to go out with.
I will finish my posting later, Jules is coming to the hotel to say hi to mom and dad. YAY FOR ITALY STORIES
SO HERES HOW IT WENT DOWN TO START:
Flew to Verona, met a cool Israeli family before the flight that "adopted me" as one of their own. They didnt speak English to me, and they were constantly amused by my bad grammar. I bet their English grammar would've sucked, but I'm too nice to mock them like they mocked me.
Landed in Verona, saw the town. It's not half bad, but don't forget, I was alone. So I would look at big churches, nod my head and ask myself "isnt that beautiful?" and then respond to myself with either "yah, sweet architecture" or "meh, I've seen nicer." This is how the whole trip went whenever I traveled alone (ie a lot).
Spent the night in Verona in a hostel, in a room with about 11 European guys. They all seemed nice, but in the mornin, from my bottom bunk, I saw wayyy more than I wanted. I couldnt see faces because of my position on the bunk bed, but I could see tiny underwear that barely covered testes.
Took a train with some American girls to Venice, watched Finding Forrester the whole way there. Great flick, great acting. There were 5 minutes left when we arrived, so the girls and I sat in the train station watching it until that final scene where they play "somewhere over the rainbow." Could've been exploring Venice, chose Sean Connery. No regrets.
Once in Venice, I met up with Shara and Horan (WashU), and we did a sweet art history tour of the city. It's a pretty place, tons of pigeons. All of Italy is filled with pigeons. It seemed like the national animal, pretty lame choice for the country.
Trained back to Florence, where we met up with Bergson, Briskman, Joelle R., Nikki C, and Phil. It was a great night, went bar hopping then clubbing. Phil might be the best person to go out with in the entire world. If you're reading this Phil, I mean it. You are amazing to go out with.
I will finish my posting later, Jules is coming to the hotel to say hi to mom and dad. YAY FOR ITALY STORIES
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I love this airport!
Yah, waiting in lines for security sucks. Yah, they question me about everything under the sun, like where I went to high school and who my distant relatives in Israel are. And yah, McDonalds is Kosher and costs as much as a regular dinner in the states.
But free wireless in the airport? I'm not going to say its the best thing since sliced bread---it's better than sliced bread. I have 25 minutes until I board my flight to Italy, so I can't think of anything I'd rather do than blog. I guess if there was somewhere to ski in the airport, I'd rather do that. But I'll deal with what I'm given.
Yah, I'm traveling to Italy alone. It's pretty ballsy, I know. Not many people would do it. Maybe Kelly Clarkson, "Miss Independent," would. But not many other than her.
I will tell stories of my trip upon my return. Keep me in your hearts.
love, me
forgot to mention something! I went to a soccer game last week, Israel vs. Chile. Israel won, obvi. But it was awesome----it only cost 10 shekels, and I bought an Israeli soccer scarf after! It's the first time I've bought a scarf, and while it felt a little feminine, everyone was doing it. I'm a sucker for peer pressure. I think I have a pretty warm neck though and little use for it, so if anyone needs a blue and white soft scarf, holler my way.
But free wireless in the airport? I'm not going to say its the best thing since sliced bread---it's better than sliced bread. I have 25 minutes until I board my flight to Italy, so I can't think of anything I'd rather do than blog. I guess if there was somewhere to ski in the airport, I'd rather do that. But I'll deal with what I'm given.
Yah, I'm traveling to Italy alone. It's pretty ballsy, I know. Not many people would do it. Maybe Kelly Clarkson, "Miss Independent," would. But not many other than her.
I will tell stories of my trip upon my return. Keep me in your hearts.
love, me
forgot to mention something! I went to a soccer game last week, Israel vs. Chile. Israel won, obvi. But it was awesome----it only cost 10 shekels, and I bought an Israeli soccer scarf after! It's the first time I've bought a scarf, and while it felt a little feminine, everyone was doing it. I'm a sucker for peer pressure. I think I have a pretty warm neck though and little use for it, so if anyone needs a blue and white soft scarf, holler my way.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
BLOGGING SUCKS! I'M GOING TO ITALY
I was looking at the calendar, and realized that I was free this thursday. I had two options that seemed feasible: write on my blog about my emotions or random thoughts, or fly to italy for a few days. I picked blogging.....NOT.
I found an amazing deal- $200 total for my flights to the home of Pizza and Pinnochio. I want to see as much of the country as possible, but if that doesn't work out, I'll just stick to Gelato and facebook in Florence. Sounds like a plan.
When I get back, mommy and daddy will be here. Should be some sweet sweet family time, they're good people and I can't wait to act all Israeli in front of them.
SERIOUS QUESTION, BUT SORTA NOT.....BUT STILL:
Let's say I decide to stay in Israel and not move back to that there America country. I need reasons why America is better than Israel. Please comment with your responses.
peace out!
I found an amazing deal- $200 total for my flights to the home of Pizza and Pinnochio. I want to see as much of the country as possible, but if that doesn't work out, I'll just stick to Gelato and facebook in Florence. Sounds like a plan.
When I get back, mommy and daddy will be here. Should be some sweet sweet family time, they're good people and I can't wait to act all Israeli in front of them.
SERIOUS QUESTION, BUT SORTA NOT.....BUT STILL:
Let's say I decide to stay in Israel and not move back to that there America country. I need reasons why America is better than Israel. Please comment with your responses.
peace out!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Singing Spice girls is straight if other straight guys are singing with you
I guess I never finished my stories about the rest of thursday night. Here goes!
We got back to our camp site, which looked like it was hoppin in the 70's but had gone through a bunch of wars and bad weather. So, there were bottles everywhere, and even some extra pairs of dirty socks from the 80's! I brought some socks that I had bought at target, so I didn't take any new ones. We wanted to buy drinks from the bar near the beach, which seemed ok from afar, but upon closer review turned out to be a makeshift dog shelter, with Labs and retrievers sleeping all over the floor. We rang the bell for the guy who worked there, before noticing that he was next to the bar doing lines of coke. I now understand why he overcharged us for beer-- he needed coke money. Respectable.
After we set up tents and relaxed on the beach in the sunset, we built a fire and started the festivities. Ollie cooked hamburgers, which tasted so much better just because he had put his virgingirl20 effort into it (see below for the explanation). Adir came up with his guitar, so obviously we jammed out to some sweet beats: the typical save tonight, michelle branch, backstreet boys tracks-- ya know, real camp songs. People kept saying "omg jared, you have a good voice." They must have been really drunk, as I have listened to recordings of my own voice and I'm sure that I don't have a good voice. but it was a good confidence boost nonetheless.
I woke up in the morning and found out that the following things had happened: We had a dance party until around 4 in the morning, I had deep talks on the beach with Adir and Chelsea, and I ended up in a tent alone with 2 hotties. It was so good that I had no recollection of it. Hmmm. But I do remember when a moth fell in Faith's drink. What a waste, moths just have no manners nowadays.
I was made fun of in the morning for having sung "Wannabe" by spice girls, "Blue" by Eiffel 65, and "Get down" by b4-4 at the top of my lungs. And yet, looking at pictures, it seems everyone knew the words and thought it was cool. So, it was cool AND straight.
The ride back to Jerusalem was fun, and it was soooo Israel. Halfway through the arab territories we were forced to pull over for about 10 minutes-- a herd of goats needed to cross the roads. Dem A-rabs need to build some pedestrian walks for their goats or something, a bridge maybe. I just dont have time for this shit.
Shabbat dinner at Adir/Matan's was amazing as always. It's never a bad thing when there are 20 people over, and a guy girl ratio of about 7 to 13. Thats 6 extra girls for our viewing pleasure! Do you think it made us more manly?
Heck no. Actually, we ended up singing Disney songs on the porch, all of which were sung beautifully by DanDan and harmonized by Adir, who may be the only straight disney song harmonizer in the country. Half asleep, he would wake up to put a new tone to "can you feel the love tonight?" I was impressed.
The night was an obvious success when some of our friends went to sleep with girls, and DanDan and I watched mature porn. It was gross. Israelis watch some weird shit. I would've been fine with an episode of Boy Meets World.
All is good here in herz right now. I'll be in Italy this weekend if anyone wants to come, or is already there.
We got back to our camp site, which looked like it was hoppin in the 70's but had gone through a bunch of wars and bad weather. So, there were bottles everywhere, and even some extra pairs of dirty socks from the 80's! I brought some socks that I had bought at target, so I didn't take any new ones. We wanted to buy drinks from the bar near the beach, which seemed ok from afar, but upon closer review turned out to be a makeshift dog shelter, with Labs and retrievers sleeping all over the floor. We rang the bell for the guy who worked there, before noticing that he was next to the bar doing lines of coke. I now understand why he overcharged us for beer-- he needed coke money. Respectable.
After we set up tents and relaxed on the beach in the sunset, we built a fire and started the festivities. Ollie cooked hamburgers, which tasted so much better just because he had put his virgingirl20 effort into it (see below for the explanation). Adir came up with his guitar, so obviously we jammed out to some sweet beats: the typical save tonight, michelle branch, backstreet boys tracks-- ya know, real camp songs. People kept saying "omg jared, you have a good voice." They must have been really drunk, as I have listened to recordings of my own voice and I'm sure that I don't have a good voice. but it was a good confidence boost nonetheless.
I woke up in the morning and found out that the following things had happened: We had a dance party until around 4 in the morning, I had deep talks on the beach with Adir and Chelsea, and I ended up in a tent alone with 2 hotties. It was so good that I had no recollection of it. Hmmm. But I do remember when a moth fell in Faith's drink. What a waste, moths just have no manners nowadays.
I was made fun of in the morning for having sung "Wannabe" by spice girls, "Blue" by Eiffel 65, and "Get down" by b4-4 at the top of my lungs. And yet, looking at pictures, it seems everyone knew the words and thought it was cool. So, it was cool AND straight.
The ride back to Jerusalem was fun, and it was soooo Israel. Halfway through the arab territories we were forced to pull over for about 10 minutes-- a herd of goats needed to cross the roads. Dem A-rabs need to build some pedestrian walks for their goats or something, a bridge maybe. I just dont have time for this shit.
Shabbat dinner at Adir/Matan's was amazing as always. It's never a bad thing when there are 20 people over, and a guy girl ratio of about 7 to 13. Thats 6 extra girls for our viewing pleasure! Do you think it made us more manly?
Heck no. Actually, we ended up singing Disney songs on the porch, all of which were sung beautifully by DanDan and harmonized by Adir, who may be the only straight disney song harmonizer in the country. Half asleep, he would wake up to put a new tone to "can you feel the love tonight?" I was impressed.
The night was an obvious success when some of our friends went to sleep with girls, and DanDan and I watched mature porn. It was gross. Israelis watch some weird shit. I would've been fine with an episode of Boy Meets World.
All is good here in herz right now. I'll be in Italy this weekend if anyone wants to come, or is already there.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Def worth blogging about
I find that every time I have an absurd weekend, it is outdone by the weekend after it. I can't see the past two nights being outdone. So here goes.
Thursday was supposed to be a nice day of hiking in the North, followed by a nice night of camping on the beach of the Kinneret. I was supposed to meet Team Canada and some others at around 10:00am in Tiberias, about 2.5 hours away from me. That means I would have to be awake at 7ish, take a bus alone then meet them there right away. Yay! Simple Plan (not the band, the situation), right?
I got to Tiberias at 10:30 to find out that the rest of the crew hadn't even left Jerusalem. So I was stranded at the bus station for about 2 hours, alone with a copy of Don Quixote. I started reading it, and I felt like it was only proper to read it while listening to the theme song to "Gladiator" on repeat. This got lame after about 5 minutes, so I hit on the Israeli Soldier next to me instead (who happens to know the Hirsch family, both Danish, small world).
Eventually, some people showed up, and we rented a car to drive to the campsite. I got to drive it back to pick up the rest of the crew at the bus station. Yah, I drove in Israel. I even acted like an Israeli driver and honked at everything I saw, including a seagull that was bothering me.
Its 3:30 pm by now, so we decided to go straight to the hike. It was closed! But would we settle? NO WAY JOSE.
So I walked through the closed gate to find someone who worked there, and I proceeded to make up a story about Matan losing his wallet on the hike, and he would not survive a day without his drivers license and credit card. I am an awesome actor, cuz they let us all in. We started the hike pretending to be looking for the wallet we hadn't lost, and after about 20 minutes of nothing but cows and fields, we turned around. This is where it got AWESOME.
We ran into a crying Arab woman with her equally sad mother. She borrowed my cell phone, and upon hanging up told us she was lost. Then she started hitting on Ollie. She asked him for his name 4 times and wouldn't stop asking for his e-mail address. He said that he didn't own a computer, but wanted to know her e-mail. She spelled out:
V-I-R-G-I-N-G-I-R-L-20@gmail.com
We made her repeat this several times, took some pictures with her, and left. Was the adventure over? F no. She started chasing after our car. We stopped, and she said, panting, "this is for you" and handed Ollie a brand new Germany World Cup soccer hat that she bought for him. He looks like a champ in it. Look at it!
I will blog about the rest of the weekend later, k! Don't hate on me, I need to go out for girl roommate's birthday.
Side Note: Is it ok to drink Vodka and Emergen-C? Do they compliment each other or counter act each other? I figure I will boost my immune system with the C, and boost my confidence with the alcohol. Sounds good.
Thursday was supposed to be a nice day of hiking in the North, followed by a nice night of camping on the beach of the Kinneret. I was supposed to meet Team Canada and some others at around 10:00am in Tiberias, about 2.5 hours away from me. That means I would have to be awake at 7ish, take a bus alone then meet them there right away. Yay! Simple Plan (not the band, the situation), right?
I got to Tiberias at 10:30 to find out that the rest of the crew hadn't even left Jerusalem. So I was stranded at the bus station for about 2 hours, alone with a copy of Don Quixote. I started reading it, and I felt like it was only proper to read it while listening to the theme song to "Gladiator" on repeat. This got lame after about 5 minutes, so I hit on the Israeli Soldier next to me instead (who happens to know the Hirsch family, both Danish, small world).
Eventually, some people showed up, and we rented a car to drive to the campsite. I got to drive it back to pick up the rest of the crew at the bus station. Yah, I drove in Israel. I even acted like an Israeli driver and honked at everything I saw, including a seagull that was bothering me.
Its 3:30 pm by now, so we decided to go straight to the hike. It was closed! But would we settle? NO WAY JOSE.
So I walked through the closed gate to find someone who worked there, and I proceeded to make up a story about Matan losing his wallet on the hike, and he would not survive a day without his drivers license and credit card. I am an awesome actor, cuz they let us all in. We started the hike pretending to be looking for the wallet we hadn't lost, and after about 20 minutes of nothing but cows and fields, we turned around. This is where it got AWESOME.
We ran into a crying Arab woman with her equally sad mother. She borrowed my cell phone, and upon hanging up told us she was lost. Then she started hitting on Ollie. She asked him for his name 4 times and wouldn't stop asking for his e-mail address. He said that he didn't own a computer, but wanted to know her e-mail. She spelled out:
V-I-R-G-I-N-G-I-R-L-20@gmail.com
We made her repeat this several times, took some pictures with her, and left. Was the adventure over? F no. She started chasing after our car. We stopped, and she said, panting, "this is for you" and handed Ollie a brand new Germany World Cup soccer hat that she bought for him. He looks like a champ in it. Look at it!
I will blog about the rest of the weekend later, k! Don't hate on me, I need to go out for girl roommate's birthday.
Side Note: Is it ok to drink Vodka and Emergen-C? Do they compliment each other or counter act each other? I figure I will boost my immune system with the C, and boost my confidence with the alcohol. Sounds good.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I'm a paintballer
Last night we went paintballing with a couple Tel Aviv kids. Good group, seemed like it was going to be a great time. Yay! Shooting paint bullets at people! I thought I would get a good glimpse of what army life would be like.
The lesson I ended up learning from last night was that I don't think the army is for me. I got shot in the head a couple of times, and it stung like mad. And that was with paint. Imagine a real bullet! I'm guessing it would hurt at least 3x more. Also, it was dark, so I couldn't really see where I was shooting my gun. So that's my excuse for not going on mad paint-killing sprees like I would have if it was light out.
If there is a draft in Canada or America and they need me for the army reaaallly badly, I think I will volunteer for a real estate division, or maybe a sports management infantry. I think those roles fit me better than the front lines with guns and shit.
The lesson I ended up learning from last night was that I don't think the army is for me. I got shot in the head a couple of times, and it stung like mad. And that was with paint. Imagine a real bullet! I'm guessing it would hurt at least 3x more. Also, it was dark, so I couldn't really see where I was shooting my gun. So that's my excuse for not going on mad paint-killing sprees like I would have if it was light out.
If there is a draft in Canada or America and they need me for the army reaaallly badly, I think I will volunteer for a real estate division, or maybe a sports management infantry. I think those roles fit me better than the front lines with guns and shit.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I Promise, I am OK
I've heard it many a time----- who actually cares to read your blog jared? is it worth reading? who actually gives a crap about the stuff you do?
Well, I'm not actually sure. But I know this; Art and Joanne Kleinstein are avid blog readers (hi mom and dad!). So you can imagine their fear when they read posts about me getting kicked in the face.
Well, my face is healing. I can't chew that well on stuff, but then again I couldn't chew well when I had my wisdom teeth out (and we decided that was a good thing). So have no fear, I am ok.
BUT, overall I'd say I had my best weekend in Israel yet. Everything felt so perfect, from the weather to the people to the activities. I mean, its march. I shouldn't be on the beach in 95 degree weather. What have I done to deserve this? I haven't cured any diseases, won any national championships (what what yay for WashU) and I haven't settled down and married a nice jewish woman or had cute kids with her yet. I guess I have time to do these things. So until then, I will be appreciating this sweet ass life and hoping that I don't mess it up.
Look at picture!
That's me watching the championship game last night. I was happy, even though my facial expression in the picture screams out "constipated" or "did someone download porn onto this computer?"
K bye!
Well, I'm not actually sure. But I know this; Art and Joanne Kleinstein are avid blog readers (hi mom and dad!). So you can imagine their fear when they read posts about me getting kicked in the face.
Well, my face is healing. I can't chew that well on stuff, but then again I couldn't chew well when I had my wisdom teeth out (and we decided that was a good thing). So have no fear, I am ok.
BUT, overall I'd say I had my best weekend in Israel yet. Everything felt so perfect, from the weather to the people to the activities. I mean, its march. I shouldn't be on the beach in 95 degree weather. What have I done to deserve this? I haven't cured any diseases, won any national championships (what what yay for WashU) and I haven't settled down and married a nice jewish woman or had cute kids with her yet. I guess I have time to do these things. So until then, I will be appreciating this sweet ass life and hoping that I don't mess it up.
Look at picture!
That's me watching the championship game last night. I was happy, even though my facial expression in the picture screams out "constipated" or "did someone download porn onto this computer?"
K bye!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
i got kicked in the face
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATS TO THE NATIONAL CHAMPION WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY BEARS. fuck yah ty, sean, at, fuck troy ruths, dob, zk, rk, the whole gang. My night was amazing solely because I knew that my boys had really done it. Im so proud.
But the reason im posting is because of what happened later. We were walking back from the bars, and we were playin the "push people into each other to see if we can start a fight" game. It was working until jules pushed me into a guy over some stairs. I tripped on the stairs, an upon falling on the ground, was kicked in the face several times. i can't bite without absurd pain. and my thigh hurts. But at least he's scared of me, cuz im mad intimidating and i hit him back.
The truth is, im a lover not a fighter, and i don't plan on playing the "start a fight" game again for a while....until next week. happy purim
But the reason im posting is because of what happened later. We were walking back from the bars, and we were playin the "push people into each other to see if we can start a fight" game. It was working until jules pushed me into a guy over some stairs. I tripped on the stairs, an upon falling on the ground, was kicked in the face several times. i can't bite without absurd pain. and my thigh hurts. But at least he's scared of me, cuz im mad intimidating and i hit him back.
The truth is, im a lover not a fighter, and i don't plan on playing the "start a fight" game again for a while....until next week. happy purim
Friday, March 21, 2008
I completely forgot a story!
Last night I figured out what my best quality when drinking is:
I was at the Purim party, and they were doing a charity thing for Sderot. I was only supposed to give 5 shekels for a bag of candy and stuff to support solidarity in the rocket-ravaged city. Well, in my slightly inebriated state, I decided that it was best to give 25 shekels, completely unnecessarily, without even taking the candy. I am such a good guy. But now I am broke, and I blame it on charity.
I was at the Purim party, and they were doing a charity thing for Sderot. I was only supposed to give 5 shekels for a bag of candy and stuff to support solidarity in the rocket-ravaged city. Well, in my slightly inebriated state, I decided that it was best to give 25 shekels, completely unnecessarily, without even taking the candy. I am such a good guy. But now I am broke, and I blame it on charity.
I have friend who can lactate
We were on the beach in Tel Aviv yesterday, and my life was changed forever. I stood by the water with one of my good friends, who will remain nameless, talking about life and our bodies. He started squeezing his nipples, and to my surprise a drip of breast milk was released. I started screaming and backing away (right now I would use an analogy to describe what it felt like, such as "backed away like a school girl who sees a spider on her desk," but I feel like saying "i screamed like someone who saw a man lactate" does the trick in itself). He only did it once, but our relationship will never be the same.
Oh yah, and tessa barlet ruined my purim. i left a great party to visit her at 3am, and spent 120 shekels on the travel, just to see her with a group of 5 guys bein typical tessa. what a beehotch.
Oh yah, and tessa barlet ruined my purim. i left a great party to visit her at 3am, and spent 120 shekels on the travel, just to see her with a group of 5 guys bein typical tessa. what a beehotch.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Blind Waiters and Maturity
Tonight I learned a lot about myself. We went to a restaurant called "Blackout," which was just a bit different from places where I have eaten in the past.
Blackout is a pitch black restaurant, where you can't even see your hand in front of your face. The idea is that you experience the life of the blind, and did we ever experience it. We couldn't see our food, but it was probably the most delicious meal I've had in years. We could eat with our hands, lick the bowls, do anything, and no one could see us. Had I been with a girl, it may have been a lot more fun. Just cuz I could get away with bad manners without her knowing, of course. I ain't no perve.
Speaking of perves and people we went with: Kahan brought his younger brother and a one of his younger brother's friends. That's fine. But not when the younger brother's friend brings his younger brother and his younger brother's friends. So, we were with 15 year olds. THEY SUCKED. I now realize how much I've grown up, and how I actually got something out of this night, whereas they would make farting noises and laugh because no one could see who did it. They ruined my blind experience. Jerks.
Blackout is a pitch black restaurant, where you can't even see your hand in front of your face. The idea is that you experience the life of the blind, and did we ever experience it. We couldn't see our food, but it was probably the most delicious meal I've had in years. We could eat with our hands, lick the bowls, do anything, and no one could see us. Had I been with a girl, it may have been a lot more fun. Just cuz I could get away with bad manners without her knowing, of course. I ain't no perve.
Speaking of perves and people we went with: Kahan brought his younger brother and a one of his younger brother's friends. That's fine. But not when the younger brother's friend brings his younger brother and his younger brother's friends. So, we were with 15 year olds. THEY SUCKED. I now realize how much I've grown up, and how I actually got something out of this night, whereas they would make farting noises and laugh because no one could see who did it. They ruined my blind experience. Jerks.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Weird stuff happens on buses
I got on the Sherut (mini bus thing, cheaper than cab and quicker than standard bus) from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv yesterday, and I sat down next to a man with slick back curly hair, a broad chest, and jeans that were pretty much the same color as mine (what a small world!).
He seemed ok, he smiled and gave me his money to pay the driver. Ok, he's normal. The he started talking in Arabic. Still normal maybe, just Arab, right? I was really tired, so I started a bit of a nap. When I woke up were almost in Tel Aviv, but his leg was rubbing mine back and forth, and he was staring deep into my eyes as if to say "beddee Yak" (the arabic translation for "I want you", I just googled it). It was really creepy. But hey, if it never happens again, at least I can say that I was once thigh fucked by an arab near Tel Aviv and survived the whole thing.
He seemed ok, he smiled and gave me his money to pay the driver. Ok, he's normal. The he started talking in Arabic. Still normal maybe, just Arab, right? I was really tired, so I started a bit of a nap. When I woke up were almost in Tel Aviv, but his leg was rubbing mine back and forth, and he was staring deep into my eyes as if to say "beddee Yak" (the arabic translation for "I want you", I just googled it). It was really creepy. But hey, if it never happens again, at least I can say that I was once thigh fucked by an arab near Tel Aviv and survived the whole thing.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Frustration release....then the weekend
Before I tell stories about the weekend, I thought I would mention how angry I am right now. I left Jerusalem at 6ish this morning, knowing that when I came back to Herzliya there would be a bed, pillow, and sheets waiting for me. But as I walked into my room, I saw that there was already another man in my bed, and he didn't have thick eyebrows and moles on his face. No, some rando kid (i assume one of my roommate's brother's friends) is sleeping in my bed, using my blanket to mummify himself. I assume he is doing this in an effort to stay warm and turn me off from ever using it again. So now I am lying on our pleather couch listening to screaming preschoolers next door, tired, hung over, and feeling guilty because I just broke the toilet and now it won't flush. At least I used it before I broke it.
Onto what went down this weekend:
Thursday night Grace and I went into Jerusalem to introduce her to Jules and the gang. They seemed to like her, or they were just distracted by her chest and couldn't tell me otherwise. We threw a pre-party in Jules' apartment, which lasted way later than planned, to the point that it wasn't even worth going to bars after. The highlight of the night was DEFINITELY my wingman efforts for adir....again.
Grace and I are sitting on the couch watching Adir flirt with a girl. I thought it was necessary to speed up his game, so i said "hey Adir, truth or dare. actually, you have no choice, dare. I dare you to kiss courtney on the lips." They looked at each other, and decided that it was best to not chicken out (that would be embarrassing, we're over 20, we can play a game of truth or dare like real adults) so they kissed. Cute! Then I said "say it to us" and so he said "truth or dare" and I said "dare, I dare myself to make out with grace." So we made out. OBVS Adir couldn't let me show him up, so we dared him to match us. They did. Then, without us daring them to, they left the apartment. I am like that matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof, but I don't have songs about me, I just get high fives and mad props.
The bagel breakfast the next day was average, but the ruggaleh from the shuk were unbelievable. We devoured the two boxes within the day.
We did Shabbat dinner at Adir's. Good crew, good times, but most of the fun revolved around Butters. I guess he was high, because I have never seen someone so quiet and happy for such a long period of time. He didn't say a word until after the meal, but was laughing non stop at everything that happened. It was a great confidence boost for me, feelin like my humor was being appreciated. But then he laughed at Grace's jokes, so we know that something was wrong (ooh!). On his way to the bathroom, he knocked over the entire food table and wine and drinks and everything. It would have been more amusing had he not refused to clean it up.
Once Grace left, we started watching high quality movies: Annie, Mary Poppins, and The Day after Tomorrow. Good Stuff!
Onto what went down this weekend:
Thursday night Grace and I went into Jerusalem to introduce her to Jules and the gang. They seemed to like her, or they were just distracted by her chest and couldn't tell me otherwise. We threw a pre-party in Jules' apartment, which lasted way later than planned, to the point that it wasn't even worth going to bars after. The highlight of the night was DEFINITELY my wingman efforts for adir....again.
Grace and I are sitting on the couch watching Adir flirt with a girl. I thought it was necessary to speed up his game, so i said "hey Adir, truth or dare. actually, you have no choice, dare. I dare you to kiss courtney on the lips." They looked at each other, and decided that it was best to not chicken out (that would be embarrassing, we're over 20, we can play a game of truth or dare like real adults) so they kissed. Cute! Then I said "say it to us" and so he said "truth or dare" and I said "dare, I dare myself to make out with grace." So we made out. OBVS Adir couldn't let me show him up, so we dared him to match us. They did. Then, without us daring them to, they left the apartment. I am like that matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof, but I don't have songs about me, I just get high fives and mad props.
The bagel breakfast the next day was average, but the ruggaleh from the shuk were unbelievable. We devoured the two boxes within the day.
We did Shabbat dinner at Adir's. Good crew, good times, but most of the fun revolved around Butters. I guess he was high, because I have never seen someone so quiet and happy for such a long period of time. He didn't say a word until after the meal, but was laughing non stop at everything that happened. It was a great confidence boost for me, feelin like my humor was being appreciated. But then he laughed at Grace's jokes, so we know that something was wrong (ooh!). On his way to the bathroom, he knocked over the entire food table and wine and drinks and everything. It would have been more amusing had he not refused to clean it up.
Once Grace left, we started watching high quality movies: Annie, Mary Poppins, and The Day after Tomorrow. Good Stuff!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I haven't watched TRL in years!
Before I write a post about the past week since I gave grace pink eye via my own saliva, I thought I would share a quick thought.
Just watched MTV's Total Request Live for the first time since 8th grade when it was the cool thing to watch after boy meets world. Taylor Swift performed, she has a song called "teardrops on my guitar" and it's pretty good. But I thought that she would suck live. It turns out she was awesome, and I decided she is the Dave Matthews of 17 year old girl singers. Its quite a turn on (not the 17 year old thing).
congrats to WU basketball, keep up the good work tonight boys.
Just watched MTV's Total Request Live for the first time since 8th grade when it was the cool thing to watch after boy meets world. Taylor Swift performed, she has a song called "teardrops on my guitar" and it's pretty good. But I thought that she would suck live. It turns out she was awesome, and I decided she is the Dave Matthews of 17 year old girl singers. Its quite a turn on (not the 17 year old thing).
congrats to WU basketball, keep up the good work tonight boys.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Why would I be drooling in Grace's eye?
Grace woke up this morning with a swollen eye and in a lot of pain. What happened? I don't have pink eye, who gave it to her? IS IT PINK EYE?
Last night grace was jetlagged and lying in bed. I thought the only proper thing to do would be to jump on top of the poor tired lady and try to wake her up. "Get up girl, get up" I called into the night, and as she slowly opened her eyelids, my next sentence was interrupted by a quick drool sesh. So, it turns out that Grace doesn't have pink eye, but rather has some sort of infection from my saliva. WebMD does not have a remedy for Drooleye. We will be going homeopathic.
Last night grace was jetlagged and lying in bed. I thought the only proper thing to do would be to jump on top of the poor tired lady and try to wake her up. "Get up girl, get up" I called into the night, and as she slowly opened her eyelids, my next sentence was interrupted by a quick drool sesh. So, it turns out that Grace doesn't have pink eye, but rather has some sort of infection from my saliva. WebMD does not have a remedy for Drooleye. We will be going homeopathic.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Fresh stuff is better than not fresh stuff
G-race came to Israel yesterday. Because we are such an image conscious couple, we have done nothing but eat for the past two days. Highlights include: fresh white chocolate ice cream (with white choc flakes) with a chaser of ruggaleh and cookies, fresh falafel that tasted like Zeus himself had been hungry and cooked himself some hand made Israeli food, and some delish italian food that reminded me of the Milan countryside. I've never been to Milan, but I bet their gnocchi is similar.
I've been gettin all black and shizz from all the sunshine. I don't want tanlines cuz it's a turn off when i see them on girls and I don't want girls to be turned off by me. I need to be an on turner, so I will attempt to avoid tanlines with more topless tanning on the roof and maybe some girly tanning lotion if I really need to impress a teacher for a grade.
Mom and dad, if you are reading this, I will be going to class this week. If you are not reading this, I will not be going to class and will rely on my natural brain strength to survive grade-wise. I will show the graceface a good time then she'll peace out and I'll resume my life as a good student and a playa in the girl community.
I've been gettin all black and shizz from all the sunshine. I don't want tanlines cuz it's a turn off when i see them on girls and I don't want girls to be turned off by me. I need to be an on turner, so I will attempt to avoid tanlines with more topless tanning on the roof and maybe some girly tanning lotion if I really need to impress a teacher for a grade.
Mom and dad, if you are reading this, I will be going to class this week. If you are not reading this, I will not be going to class and will rely on my natural brain strength to survive grade-wise. I will show the graceface a good time then she'll peace out and I'll resume my life as a good student and a playa in the girl community.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Where ya from in Jamaica mon? NEAR DA BEACH
Went blading to the beach today. I found out that there's a bike path to the beach, so I don't have to blade down the busy highway anymore. That's a relief. But still, whenever I do rollerblade on the street, I get honked at. You have 20 feet on either side of you, there's plenty of room for a lanky rollerblader. Why honk then swear at me in Hebrew? It's just rude.
The beach confused me today. We sat down, it was 80ish and sunny, and i saw bikinis everywhere. But for every girl that was potentially cute there was a clearly 14ish year old girl with her. We later figured out that we were on a notoriously high school-run beach, and I was so weirded out by my inadvertent pedophilic emotions that I had an ice cream and left the beach immediately. I will only look at girls that I am sure are over 18 for the rest of my life, I promise.
The beach confused me today. We sat down, it was 80ish and sunny, and i saw bikinis everywhere. But for every girl that was potentially cute there was a clearly 14ish year old girl with her. We later figured out that we were on a notoriously high school-run beach, and I was so weirded out by my inadvertent pedophilic emotions that I had an ice cream and left the beach immediately. I will only look at girls that I am sure are over 18 for the rest of my life, I promise.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wedding Quotes
I'm not gonna check spell check, suffer with me. Spell check is for doodie heads. i am not one cuz i was at a weedding and it was way sweeter than not a wedding.
Night starts when we get to the wedding with hava and ahan (hava looked beautiful, red dress and all). i thought it would be all jewish. NOT. we started where we asked for vodka tonic and they said "all we have right now is Jager and Cuervo." Bad start.
So 5 shots of jager in, the wedding started. it ended real fast, they walked in to hebrew techno music, it was amazing. I would've been grinding on the air and dancing to the crazy tunes but.....
we ran into: my cousin, baruch (great guy) with his mom, Our 7th grade geography teacher mrs guth, our 8th grade algebra teacher shapir, the whole zipp family, jackie siegels mom, and i felt like i was at a wedding in denver minus the mountains and people speaking in english.
At some point, Nechama Zipper (who ended up with kahann ahhhhhh) gave me a video camera. I pretended to not be taping while i asked "hey nechama, what would you say if you werent on camera?" she said "penis" and her orthodox parents are for sure going to see it tomorrrow.
The night ended with kahan saying "why the fuck can't I type 'mazel tov' on t9?"
happy friday
Night starts when we get to the wedding with hava and ahan (hava looked beautiful, red dress and all). i thought it would be all jewish. NOT. we started where we asked for vodka tonic and they said "all we have right now is Jager and Cuervo." Bad start.
So 5 shots of jager in, the wedding started. it ended real fast, they walked in to hebrew techno music, it was amazing. I would've been grinding on the air and dancing to the crazy tunes but.....
we ran into: my cousin, baruch (great guy) with his mom, Our 7th grade geography teacher mrs guth, our 8th grade algebra teacher shapir, the whole zipp family, jackie siegels mom, and i felt like i was at a wedding in denver minus the mountains and people speaking in english.
At some point, Nechama Zipper (who ended up with kahann ahhhhhh) gave me a video camera. I pretended to not be taping while i asked "hey nechama, what would you say if you werent on camera?" she said "penis" and her orthodox parents are for sure going to see it tomorrrow.
The night ended with kahan saying "why the fuck can't I type 'mazel tov' on t9?"
happy friday
A-rabs with J-red
The other night Liat brought over a bunch of her friends. So, it was 5 Jews (two of which had been in the Israeli army) and 5 arabs. It would've been perfect numbers for a basketball game, but they would've been bigger and stronger so I didn't challenge them.
It was a little intimidating at first, one had a red scarf straight out of "24." But eventually, it was very eye opening. They were great guys, I'd have them back at my apartment in a second. But it's scary that if it came down to war, neither side would flinch in killing each other. Oy, Israel's messed up.
On a lighter note, on of the arab guys was a rapper and told me to listen to his myspace page. I'm sure it was sweet, but I couldn't understand a thing he said. Then again, I couldn't understand Soulja Boy for a long time, so I have to give this guy some cred for having a catchy beat.
Played basketball last night. It's sort of tough to play with Israelis when you have to call out picks in hebrew. So when someone says "Yamina" I have to translate and think "Oh shit, pick right" and by that time it looks like he's schooled me. Yah, that's what I'll do the rest of the semester, blame my poor basketball play on Israel and Hebrew.
Tonight is Tali's brother Ari's wedding. That should be fun, Hava and I will probably drink until we think it's Tali's wedding, and we'll start congratulating her and avoid the real bride and groom. Stories will come soon.
It was a little intimidating at first, one had a red scarf straight out of "24." But eventually, it was very eye opening. They were great guys, I'd have them back at my apartment in a second. But it's scary that if it came down to war, neither side would flinch in killing each other. Oy, Israel's messed up.
On a lighter note, on of the arab guys was a rapper and told me to listen to his myspace page. I'm sure it was sweet, but I couldn't understand a thing he said. Then again, I couldn't understand Soulja Boy for a long time, so I have to give this guy some cred for having a catchy beat.
Played basketball last night. It's sort of tough to play with Israelis when you have to call out picks in hebrew. So when someone says "Yamina" I have to translate and think "Oh shit, pick right" and by that time it looks like he's schooled me. Yah, that's what I'll do the rest of the semester, blame my poor basketball play on Israel and Hebrew.
Tonight is Tali's brother Ari's wedding. That should be fun, Hava and I will probably drink until we think it's Tali's wedding, and we'll start congratulating her and avoid the real bride and groom. Stories will come soon.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Girl Roommate
We're sittin around talking, and I read out loud a question from one of our pledges:
"What would you name your penis and why?"
Immediately, Liat said "princess leah," and not about my penis, but rather about hers. Girl rooommates are f-ed up, man.
"What would you name your penis and why?"
Immediately, Liat said "princess leah," and not about my penis, but rather about hers. Girl rooommates are f-ed up, man.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
I fell while rollerblading
Well, we all knew I was going to crash eventually. Rollerblading is dangerous, especially if you go fast with reckless abandon. I was flying down a hill pretending to be skiing (i even imagined the poles in my hands), when I hit a wet spot and smacked my face on the pavement. Looking back, it would've been more badass if I had really gotten hurt, but all I got was a scraped knee and a cut on my nose that looks like a pimple. I'm embarrassed. Don't worry though, I won't quit blading. Well.....good talk.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Picture time
I thought I would start uploading pics so it looks like I'm having even more fun than I have been typing.
To the right, you see Jules and I. We grew up together, spent years getting to know each other and doing weird things. But until Israel, we had never held a toilet seat together. That's what being abroad does, it gives you the chance--strike that, the opportunity to hold dirty toilet seats with people you care about. Because i am holding it up to my face does not make me a "poopy head" like I had first thought of titling this page, but rather I thought it was a great frame for my facial features. Sweet pic, us.
Me Jules and Leah. She can't touch us cuz she's religious! Look at that sad face longing for our strong hands! But not. Also, look at my stripes. Mom got me that shirt. I looked like either a referee, waldo, or verry adam low metro. You decide.
That's all I want to put up now. putting of pics takes to long, I'm too lazy. maybe i'll hit up the fbook. The weekend just started, so we'll see what kind of shenanigans arise.
out
To the right, you see Jules and I. We grew up together, spent years getting to know each other and doing weird things. But until Israel, we had never held a toilet seat together. That's what being abroad does, it gives you the chance--strike that, the opportunity to hold dirty toilet seats with people you care about. Because i am holding it up to my face does not make me a "poopy head" like I had first thought of titling this page, but rather I thought it was a great frame for my facial features. Sweet pic, us.
Me Jules and Leah. She can't touch us cuz she's religious! Look at that sad face longing for our strong hands! But not. Also, look at my stripes. Mom got me that shirt. I looked like either a referee, waldo, or verry adam low metro. You decide.
That's all I want to put up now. putting of pics takes to long, I'm too lazy. maybe i'll hit up the fbook. The weekend just started, so we'll see what kind of shenanigans arise.
out
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
the beach and the new roommate
Today I rollerbladed to the beach. It was a pretty day, a bit overcast but I was still comfortable in shorts and a tee walkin through the sand. It was windy, so the waves were good and the surfers were out, impressing every girl on the beach and making me look like a lame-o. I picked up a book to read, Jules' copy of "Don Quixote." Yes, so far I sound like that kid from Orange County who reads books on the beach. The truth is, I picked up the book, opened it, then realized it was around 900 pages. I thought to myself: well Jared, do you have the will to read this book? Can you actually focus and read all these pages? HOW STRONG ARE YOU???
So, I gave up and put the book away, never to be touched again. If I really go nuts here, I'll pick it up again and maybe get through 1/7th of it.
We met the new roommate today, a L.A./NY/Israel native named Liat. Yah, I'm living with a girl. I figured that living with a girl would either be a dream or a nightmare, btu so far we're still in dream status. She's a really cool girl, for the following reasons:
a. she plays basketball
b. she made cleavage jokes
c. she parties and has friends (which is more than I can say for the other potential roommate that we scared away)
d. She has a dryer (we only have a laundry), a water heater thing, a toaster, a tv (potentially big screen), and a great personality (I promise I don't just like her for her possesions)
This is all gonna work out after all. Goin to my cooking workshop now, then to Tel Aviv to meet Mara, Sheddy, Ldubs and the hebrew u crew. Should be fun. Will update soon with embarrassing stories and (potentially) pictures.
So, I gave up and put the book away, never to be touched again. If I really go nuts here, I'll pick it up again and maybe get through 1/7th of it.
We met the new roommate today, a L.A./NY/Israel native named Liat. Yah, I'm living with a girl. I figured that living with a girl would either be a dream or a nightmare, btu so far we're still in dream status. She's a really cool girl, for the following reasons:
a. she plays basketball
b. she made cleavage jokes
c. she parties and has friends (which is more than I can say for the other potential roommate that we scared away)
d. She has a dryer (we only have a laundry), a water heater thing, a toaster, a tv (potentially big screen), and a great personality (I promise I don't just like her for her possesions)
This is all gonna work out after all. Goin to my cooking workshop now, then to Tel Aviv to meet Mara, Sheddy, Ldubs and the hebrew u crew. Should be fun. Will update soon with embarrassing stories and (potentially) pictures.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Best news of the day, worst news of the day
Best news: FORSBERG JOINS THE COLORADO AVALANCHE
when tyler emailed me this news, I got a boner. And I don't get aroused easily. Slash I do, but i never thought hockey would do it.
Worst News: these german girls I metcan't give directions. I was so excited for this shindig with them, I'd meet some new peeps. We walked around Herzliya trying to find this party that was at an intersection that didn't exist, only to find out that it was in Tel Aviv, miles and miles away. And to sum all things up, Kahan made fun of me for having "Tearin Up my heart" on a playlist. Listen, it was a catchy song, no need to hate.
But yay for peter forsberg!
when tyler emailed me this news, I got a boner. And I don't get aroused easily. Slash I do, but i never thought hockey would do it.
Worst News: these german girls I metcan't give directions. I was so excited for this shindig with them, I'd meet some new peeps. We walked around Herzliya trying to find this party that was at an intersection that didn't exist, only to find out that it was in Tel Aviv, miles and miles away. And to sum all things up, Kahan made fun of me for having "Tearin Up my heart" on a playlist. Listen, it was a catchy song, no need to hate.
But yay for peter forsberg!
What I will do if I go bald?
I am sitting in class, looking at my sad balding teacher. He isn't young, so I can't make fun of him for losing his hair. But still, there's something about how he is doing the hair that he has left that bothers me. First of all, his bald spot is so damn shiny. If I left my seat in class and walked up to him, I could probably see my reflection in his scalp- its that bad. No one is really paying attention to him, I feel bad, but the topic is lame and he's probably as bored as we are.
Sorry for not posting in a while, I've been in Jerusalem since last thursday with Jules and the boys getting ready for...today, the day that Jules and Shaun join the army. I'm scared shitless for him, but I have faith that he'll be ok. If any terrorists try to get up in his grill, they'll have to get past me first. And I'm joining a gym, so I'll be ripped and intimidating.
Jerusalem is the center for Jewish geography for the entire world. Jules and I would stand on Ben Yehuda street pretending to be busy, but in fact we were looking around for people we knew---and it worked. We saw Shapir (our middle school math teacher with a monotone voice), tons of white pine kids, some washu kids, it was nuts. And whenever I meet an american or canadian, theres the typical jewish geography convo. I think i'm just going to carry around my computer so when I meet someone, I can go straight to facebook, check mutual friends, then say "no shit I know______ from camp/highschool/college/got-with-her-in-a-club/carries-my-baby."
We were supposed to get a third roommate from Sweden, but when he came to visit, things went sour. He said "i like it, i want to move here." Then we talked about drinking, and he said he'll "have a beer every once in a while but NEVER gets drunk." I said that I do and he was shocked. It was like he had never met anyone who drank, like I was some rebel from the streets of Brooklyn.
Side note, this class has gotten ridiculous, its loud and rowdy. At least baldy hasn't given up yet, his strength and desire to teach inspires me in this difficult environment.
Good night america, good morning Israel. Tell your friends about my blog, maybe i can pull an elliot darvick and get famous for it. But don't tell everyone: Mom and Dad know the blog exists but don't know the website. If I have to start censoring my work, I will be destroyed. If mom and dad are already reading this: "Hi! I miss you and love you! Hugs and kisses from Israel"
Sorry for not posting in a while, I've been in Jerusalem since last thursday with Jules and the boys getting ready for...today, the day that Jules and Shaun join the army. I'm scared shitless for him, but I have faith that he'll be ok. If any terrorists try to get up in his grill, they'll have to get past me first. And I'm joining a gym, so I'll be ripped and intimidating.
Jerusalem is the center for Jewish geography for the entire world. Jules and I would stand on Ben Yehuda street pretending to be busy, but in fact we were looking around for people we knew---and it worked. We saw Shapir (our middle school math teacher with a monotone voice), tons of white pine kids, some washu kids, it was nuts. And whenever I meet an american or canadian, theres the typical jewish geography convo. I think i'm just going to carry around my computer so when I meet someone, I can go straight to facebook, check mutual friends, then say "no shit I know______ from camp/highschool/college/got-with-her-in-a-club/carries-my-baby."
We were supposed to get a third roommate from Sweden, but when he came to visit, things went sour. He said "i like it, i want to move here." Then we talked about drinking, and he said he'll "have a beer every once in a while but NEVER gets drunk." I said that I do and he was shocked. It was like he had never met anyone who drank, like I was some rebel from the streets of Brooklyn.
Side note, this class has gotten ridiculous, its loud and rowdy. At least baldy hasn't given up yet, his strength and desire to teach inspires me in this difficult environment.
Good night america, good morning Israel. Tell your friends about my blog, maybe i can pull an elliot darvick and get famous for it. But don't tell everyone: Mom and Dad know the blog exists but don't know the website. If I have to start censoring my work, I will be destroyed. If mom and dad are already reading this: "Hi! I miss you and love you! Hugs and kisses from Israel"
Friday, February 22, 2008
happy birthday lucas
I'd like to give a shout out to Lucas as he turned 21 yesterday. If you see Lucas around at WashU, say happy belated b-day then give him some tongue (he needs it. Opah!) For serious, Luke is a great guy, and i envy anyone who was fortunate enough to spend the big day with him.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Call me a rug muncher
Yesterday we went to Yaffo, and came back with big rugs, tapestries, and a hookah. We got pretty good deals on all after some bargaining.
The highlight of the day was during the bargain for the tapestry, when I had the following conversation (in hebrew):
Me: I'll give you 60 shekel, this is final, no more.
Guy: 100, shekel, come on.
Me: 60 shekel
Guy: 85 shekel.....Look! I have the same dirt in my eyelashes as you do!
This upset me, as I don't take my blepharitis as a joke (see this link for more details.)
We ended up paying 60 shekels for the two tapestries, and I was satisfied.
Jules joins the army on monday, so I'll be in Jerusalem after tomorrow until he's all uniformed and stuff. (Is it weird that every time I think of the army I just picture Jules coming back like Buster from Arrested saying "Mother, look at the medals I got from army"? I need to stop watching that show)
Sheddy and Mara from CWP will be in Jerusalem, so it'll be good to see them. Also, if you're reading this and you go to white pine, MIKE SUSSMAN GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME. I ran into him on campus today, it was crazy.
Have a good weekend!
The highlight of the day was during the bargain for the tapestry, when I had the following conversation (in hebrew):
Me: I'll give you 60 shekel, this is final, no more.
Guy: 100, shekel, come on.
Me: 60 shekel
Guy: 85 shekel.....Look! I have the same dirt in my eyelashes as you do!
This upset me, as I don't take my blepharitis as a joke (see this link for more details.)
We ended up paying 60 shekels for the two tapestries, and I was satisfied.
Jules joins the army on monday, so I'll be in Jerusalem after tomorrow until he's all uniformed and stuff. (Is it weird that every time I think of the army I just picture Jules coming back like Buster from Arrested saying "Mother, look at the medals I got from army"? I need to stop watching that show)
Sheddy and Mara from CWP will be in Jerusalem, so it'll be good to see them. Also, if you're reading this and you go to white pine, MIKE SUSSMAN GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME. I ran into him on campus today, it was crazy.
Have a good weekend!
Monday, February 18, 2008
First day of classes
So classes fly a little differently here than they do in America. My entrepreneurship class was normal and legit, but my next class was fuckin anarchy. No one listened to the teacher, people were blabbin on in hebrew to each other and trying to use the internet, and I sat with Tali in awe. It reminded me of what shit must be like on the other side of the wall in the gaza strip where dem a-rabs get all rowdy.
I hadn't talked to anyone except for a russian kid who was wearing a Vail Ski Patrol jacket until BAM I saw three cute german girls. I pretended to be lost, but it turns out they were too, as they are also exchange students. We hit it off besides for the fact that they hardly spoke English and I hardly spoke German...My last name is German though so they were turned on pretty easily. Truth is I'll see them once a week, and if they get close enough to me to read my blog, I will delete this post quicker than...Matt R. the first time he banged nurit (am I allowed to say that on a blog?)
I hadn't talked to anyone except for a russian kid who was wearing a Vail Ski Patrol jacket until BAM I saw three cute german girls. I pretended to be lost, but it turns out they were too, as they are also exchange students. We hit it off besides for the fact that they hardly spoke English and I hardly spoke German...My last name is German though so they were turned on pretty easily. Truth is I'll see them once a week, and if they get close enough to me to read my blog, I will delete this post quicker than...Matt R. the first time he banged nurit (am I allowed to say that on a blog?)
Congrats to Tyler
On a WashU note, I thought I'd send a hearty mazel tov to my boy Ty, who scored his 1,000th point for our Bears basketball team against Emory yesterday. It is such an amazing feat that it deserves its own blog post.
(this message was not provoked by Sean's comment on my last post. in fact, I knew about Tyler's accomplishment, as I masturbate to D3hoops.com nightly. So thanks Sean!)
(this message was not provoked by Sean's comment on my last post. in fact, I knew about Tyler's accomplishment, as I masturbate to D3hoops.com nightly. So thanks Sean!)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I slept with 2 girls last night
I know what you're thinking: Jared doesn't have the game to pull off a threesome, especially not in Israel where people speak a different language and are more into army guys than scrawny americans. The truth is, I was forced into the situation, and it wasn't really a threesome in the traditional sense. I shared Jules' bed in Jerusalem with Hava (from high school, in the army, good girl) and Miriam (one of Jules' bffs, great girl). Neither kissed me, nor did they make any attempts to tap my hot bod. While most of the male population dreams of sharing beds with two girls, I advise against it; I slept like shit with my legs together and my arms crossed over my chest like a mummy. Oh well.
We went out to a bar last night where, as usual, the bouncers wouldn't let Kahan in. He may be 5'2, but he can grow facial hair, so I don't see what the big deal is. Once we got in, I got to see my WashU world collide with my Denver world, and it made me crazy happy. Everyone we ran into said they knew Sam Zuber and that he was a stud. I love Sam, but I had no idea he was this famous. If he was still here I'm sure he'd be getting some mad bitties.
We're trying to fix the basketball net on the roof. If I forgot to post this, I thought I'd mention that our apartment is really sweet ass sweet. If you are coming on birthright or some trip or just to see me, you'll hopefully be impressed. My room needs decorations though, its more depressing than the part in Million Dollar Baby where she bites her tongue off. I'll get some tapestries and Adam Low style candles so I can impress G-face when she comes in 3 weeks (what what).
When pictures start working on my camera, I'll get those up. Happy Sunday
Link of the day:
http://oracleofbacon.org/star_links.html
its the 6 degrees game... on a website. Crazy stuff
We went out to a bar last night where, as usual, the bouncers wouldn't let Kahan in. He may be 5'2, but he can grow facial hair, so I don't see what the big deal is. Once we got in, I got to see my WashU world collide with my Denver world, and it made me crazy happy. Everyone we ran into said they knew Sam Zuber and that he was a stud. I love Sam, but I had no idea he was this famous. If he was still here I'm sure he'd be getting some mad bitties.
We're trying to fix the basketball net on the roof. If I forgot to post this, I thought I'd mention that our apartment is really sweet ass sweet. If you are coming on birthright or some trip or just to see me, you'll hopefully be impressed. My room needs decorations though, its more depressing than the part in Million Dollar Baby where she bites her tongue off. I'll get some tapestries and Adam Low style candles so I can impress G-face when she comes in 3 weeks (what what).
When pictures start working on my camera, I'll get those up. Happy Sunday
Link of the day:
http://oracleofbacon.org/star_links.html
its the 6 degrees game... on a website. Crazy stuff
Friday, February 15, 2008
Blogging on the Sabbath
Yah I know, I'm in Jerusalem and I'm blogging on the sabbath. I guess it's ok cuz at least I'm in Israel and G-d loves me for that. He also loves me because I've kept Kosher in Israel (it's tough to find bacon around here, breakfast has been lame).
In general the food is better here than anything we have in America. That being said, my whole idea that I would rollerblade to keep in shape turns out to be a lie. I've rollerbladed once, and it wasn't as much fun as eating. So, I will be gaining weight then going ano for a week before I get home. You won't notice a thing
In general the food is better here than anything we have in America. That being said, my whole idea that I would rollerblade to keep in shape turns out to be a lie. I've rollerbladed once, and it wasn't as much fun as eating. So, I will be gaining weight then going ano for a week before I get home. You won't notice a thing
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Better Posts when we get back to herzliya
I'm at Jules' place in Jerusalem for a few days. Plenty of stories, but I feel like they'll be better when I can attach pics to them when we get back.
I'm convinced that Birthright was great because we drank a lot. Last night was our first real drinking night, and I enjoyed it more than the previous nights. We also watched porn, so that could be why it seemed so fun (don't worry mom and dad, we just watched softcore).
I'm convinced that Birthright was great because we drank a lot. Last night was our first real drinking night, and I enjoyed it more than the previous nights. We also watched porn, so that could be why it seemed so fun (don't worry mom and dad, we just watched softcore).
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Air Canada deserves bankruptcy and STDs
I used to love Air Canada. They used to speak in English and French, and they used to treat me with respect. But today they fucking sucked. First, I went on an international flight with the shittiest in-flight entertainment since the Amelia Earhart days. No personal TVs, just a fuzzy projection of The Game Plan (featuring the Rock), A Beautiful Mind, and a shitty sci fi movie called Stardust. The most entertainment came from Kahan and I mixing sleeping pills with beer, which led to him passing out and me staying awake the entire flight.
Then they fucking lost my bag with all my clothing. They still haven't found it. I think some girl named Mir Ronen from Highland Park, IL stole it cuz her bag was still there and looked like mine. You suck Mir. I may never wear my "Emory was my safety school" shirt or my CWP hoodie again. All I have right now in Israel are my sheets, my computer, and my rollerblades. So pretty much, the essentials.
Other than that, we've been chilling with Tali Zipper and eatin some shawarma. Our apartment is pretty nice, but Kahan can't sleep cuz the family next door is fighting in hebrew. The walls are thin, so I'm excited for the day that they stop fighting and Kahan gets to hear the sounds of sweet sweet love making. Good night world.
Then they fucking lost my bag with all my clothing. They still haven't found it. I think some girl named Mir Ronen from Highland Park, IL stole it cuz her bag was still there and looked like mine. You suck Mir. I may never wear my "Emory was my safety school" shirt or my CWP hoodie again. All I have right now in Israel are my sheets, my computer, and my rollerblades. So pretty much, the essentials.
Other than that, we've been chilling with Tali Zipper and eatin some shawarma. Our apartment is pretty nice, but Kahan can't sleep cuz the family next door is fighting in hebrew. The walls are thin, so I'm excited for the day that they stop fighting and Kahan gets to hear the sounds of sweet sweet love making. Good night world.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Jareds' night out
Before you read this, I should be clear that my grammar was perfect in the title above. You see, it wasn't just my night out- it was my night out with Jared Ciner (hence, Jareds' night out). It was a pretty whack night, and JC thought I should tell everyone about it through my blog. Here goes.
So, the night started with my dad and I picking up Jared to go to the game. I love my mom, but it was fucking stupid of her to make chicken with prunes before I went to a public area. The car was soon graced with my delectable fragrance, and I was close to sharting about 3 times.
We got to the game, where Ira Goldman ripped our parking pass. That made me uncomfortable. I thought he was wrestling. Oh well, he seemed happy, and it was good to see him.
We walked in to the sound of the national anthem and a familiar voice. Where have I heard that voice? Was it Shakira? No. Was it Blink 182? No. It was Shayna Goldstein, the daughter of Cantor Marty Goldstein of our synagogue. Crazy shit.
As we sat down, a big darker skinned man loomed over our shoulders. Yah, fuckin Manny Corpas sat behind us. Art has become close to him, so I watched in awe as my pops gave whats up high fives to the Rockies Closer.
The Nuggets won, Melo scored 49, it was fun. One of those- run into people everywhere that you have'nt seen in forever like kylie ohringer- nights. Oh yah, and when we went down to the floor we saw Lala Vasquez (melo's wife). She looks good, I bet she gets so much poon that he doesn't know about.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q_lwUF_9ZEk
^ on a side note, that's a youtube video of a guy etchasketching melo, but theres a rap song about him in the background. It's a hot track if you're really into bad lyrics and references to key bank.
So I guess the night wasn't that insane. But I got to spend my last night before I leave for Israel writing a blog entry, which is way more fun than finishing packing. If I do get my bags loaded, then my next blog entry will be from the land of Milk, honey, and Jules Kramer. peace out america
So, the night started with my dad and I picking up Jared to go to the game. I love my mom, but it was fucking stupid of her to make chicken with prunes before I went to a public area. The car was soon graced with my delectable fragrance, and I was close to sharting about 3 times.
We got to the game, where Ira Goldman ripped our parking pass. That made me uncomfortable. I thought he was wrestling. Oh well, he seemed happy, and it was good to see him.
We walked in to the sound of the national anthem and a familiar voice. Where have I heard that voice? Was it Shakira? No. Was it Blink 182? No. It was Shayna Goldstein, the daughter of Cantor Marty Goldstein of our synagogue. Crazy shit.
As we sat down, a big darker skinned man loomed over our shoulders. Yah, fuckin Manny Corpas sat behind us. Art has become close to him, so I watched in awe as my pops gave whats up high fives to the Rockies Closer.
The Nuggets won, Melo scored 49, it was fun. One of those- run into people everywhere that you have'nt seen in forever like kylie ohringer- nights. Oh yah, and when we went down to the floor we saw Lala Vasquez (melo's wife). She looks good, I bet she gets so much poon that he doesn't know about.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q_lwUF_9ZEk
^ on a side note, that's a youtube video of a guy etchasketching melo, but theres a rap song about him in the background. It's a hot track if you're really into bad lyrics and references to key bank.
So I guess the night wasn't that insane. But I got to spend my last night before I leave for Israel writing a blog entry, which is way more fun than finishing packing. If I do get my bags loaded, then my next blog entry will be from the land of Milk, honey, and Jules Kramer. peace out america
Thursday, January 31, 2008
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