Instead of blogging about what's happened in my life, I will just tell stories of how my semester has gone with my girl roommate, Liat. I have one week left with her, and I figure that if she has time to read my blog considering how much she bitches about exams, she deserves to deal with the stories the world is about to hear about.
A few months ago, you could read about my ranting and raving about my cool girl roommate. Things went downhill. If you havent heard, she is American, lived in the states most of her life but has lived in Israel for 4 years, and has practically forgotten her English. here are examples, with translations:
"Jared, Sound to the words that I am saying"
Translation: Listen to me.
(after I invited 13 people to sleep over and didn't tell her until the day of)
"Overall you were very inconsiderable"
translation: you were inconsiderate
"Pass me the 'alloomineeum'"
translation: pass the aluminum foil
me: "garnis fructis shampoo? that's the one with the green bottle?" (don't judge me for knowing that)
Liat: "Ahhh, very attentative of you"
translation: Very attentive
OTHER STORIES:
One day I bought packaged Gnocchi to cook for myself. I came home, and it was gone. She said "oops, I ate your gnocchi. I will buy you a new one." The next day, I found a new package! She had bought me a new package! Sweet! Later that night I came back to the apartment after basketball to cook it, and.....it was gone. She had eaten the new one that she had bought me as a nice gesture. And when I complained she told me to shove my gnocchi, jello, and shnitzel (foods of mine she had eaten) into "a place I can't say." Come on, just say 'shove it up your ass.' Don't be appropriate if you're being a complete bitch.
I guess I have a habit of inviting people over to sleep over without telling her till the day of, like when her mom was staying in the apartment and woke up with 5 guys sleeping on the floor of the living room. Oops. I don't feel bad, I didn't know about her mom sleeping over until the day before, so f her.
SO 2 DAYS AGO, Shane's friend Carlye was staying over and I was afraid to tell Liat. So I didn't. Liat was in the kitchen cutting salad with a huge steak knife, and looked at Carlye and said "Are you staying over?" Carlye said, "yes."
Liat responded, pointing the knife at us, "If your roommate didn't tell you someone was staying over until the day of, and you had a huge knife in your hand, what would you do?"
I replied, timidly, "keep cutting my salad?"
Her answer, accompanied by drastic body gestures and a straight face: "No, I would STAB HIM IN THE HEART AND TWIST THE KNIFE INSIDE OF HIM."
All in all, any roommates I have in the future will seem like angels after this semester, and I will treat them accordingly. This doesn't mean I'm excited to leave Israel, I actually have no interest in going home. But still....oy.
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