Can't get this out of my head today

This is getting ridiculous. I need a new song. But today, I'll have to deal with this one.

How the stars of Gossip Girl fucked me over...almost

Here's the story:
At about 2pm on Friday I decided I would go to Chicago (via Milwaukee) for the weekend. I knew Airtran had their X fares deal, which is pretty cheap, and there were plenty of seats available, so i thought, why not, what could go wrong?

I arrived at Laguardia with time to spare, only to find myself stuck for 4.5 hours when Hurrican Bill struck the facilities. I went to the concourse bar with a girl I met who was on her way to see a Packers game, and due to the flight delays, the bar was so packed that the bartender couldn't keep tabs on all the beer she was handing out. Free beer! Yay!

Got to Milwaukee late, then took the drive down to Chi and spent a great weekend with Annabelle, including some nice time with cupcake and phil, among others. Chicago is a nice place, I like it there. I described it to someone as "New York but with nice people and a comparable polarity in their baseball teams' success this season." By that I mean the Cubs are the Windy City's version of the Mets...which isn't a good thing for either city.

On the way back I got another standby ticket, and while waiting at the gate I heard my name over the loudspeaker (he obviously struggled with his decision on how to pronounce it, but ended up going with the rhyming "kline-stine" rather than the typical "kline steen." No judgement passed, the name pronunciation isn't even agreed upon within our family).

What was he going to say? Did I get on the flight? Russell (I looked at his name tag so I could man flirt my way onto the flight) ended up completely blueballing me, telling me there were no seats available. Come on Russ. He did mention that three people had checked in but not gone through the gate yet. So I still had a chance.

Next thing I know, a couple in sunglasses come running down towards the gate, apologizing for having thought the flight was delayed longer. Who was it? These people below:

Yah, two actors from Gossip Girl. If the cast of that fucking show had held me back from getting to NYC, I would have gone ape shit and made it a goal to take down the CW and any shows that even remind me of that God Forsaken NYC prep school culture (no offense Mishkin).

It turned out there wasn't a third cast member, and I got on the flight with them (though they got the "luxury" of airtran first class). Luckily, the airline knew that I had been involved in an already long travel experience, so they made sure Laguardia re-routed our direct flight to NYC through Pittsburgh for an hour long refueling and sightseeing stop out the window of my seat on the plane. Now I can say I've been to Pittsburgh and I had two 9 hour travel days in one weekend. Thanks AirTran!

New Yorkin'

Started work this week in the big city. It ain't all that bad. Some highlights:

- Saw two improv shows, both free, one of which included Kristen Schaal, who plays Mel on Flight of the Conchords. She was phenomenal.

-Been to 4 birthday parties in one week. I don't get it, everyone has seemed to have their birthdays in the past couple of weeks. If i count 9 months backward, it means that all these people were conceived around the beginning of November (around the time of my birthday). I guess having sex on Nov 4 is like the new "new years baby" type fad. I guess I make a conscious effort to have sex on my birthday as well, so I can't blame 'em.

-Saw some standup, then today I performed standup. That was fun. Except there weren't many people there for the open mic I was at, and they all were sitting in the back of the room. So I think I heard laughs, but most came from a short asian creature who laughed at everything, even the not funny stuff. So I don't know if I was good, but at least I tried.

-I'm a working man. If anyone works near 19th and broadway, so either union square park on one side of me or madison square park on the other, lets meet for lunch. I am a hungry boy.

-I FORGOT TO PROMOTE MY WEBSITES, I made these this summer for fun, check them out and tell your friends:

exactlywhatshesaid.com
* the worlds foremost authority on "that's what she said"s

beautymarkormole.blogspot.com
*A celebrity rating site for voting on celebrity skin blemishes.


tell your friends that I blog. I want hits so I can become famous and live off of people who pay me to promote shit on this site.
Jared, out

The Summer

Ok, so now that I've told my stories from Israel, I think it's time to document the rest of the summer and the crazy things I did.

Concerts:
-Eric Clapton/ Steve Winwood
-Oar/ Brett Dennen
-Ben Lee
-Jonas Brothers/Jordin Sparx

Let me explain that last concert for all the haters. I went with my neice (Alexa), sister, and Dad. Alexa's presence made it OK for me to be there, right?

I mean, look at her. She's so happy to see Jonas Brothers. That's why I went, obviously. But drama insued at 9:45 PM. My sister wanted to take Alexa home because she had camp the next morning, and she happens to be 5 years old. Alexa didn't want to leave...and neither did Jared. They hadn't sang Burnin Up! or S.O.S.! Or Lovebug! FUUUCK How could I miss my three favorite fucking Jonas Brothers songs??? (I feel awkward using "Fuck" and "Jonas Brothers" in juxtaposition. They're too pure for such profanity). What would I do? Let Alexa leave and watch Kevin Nick and Joe alone? Or leave and act like I went to spend time with her in the first place?

I left. I am not upset, I just feel bad for Alexa that she missed out on such a great show. Look at the picture above, it's wayyyy different than the one before it. Can't you see how upset she looks? Dang.

Activities I engaged in:

-Saw 8 Rockies games, 7 of them wins
-hiked 4 mountains around Vail
-did "the steps" at Red Rocks

-Rafted the Arkansas River

-Rollerbladed a half marathon two different times (btw I'm surprised how people have gotten over the gay rollerblading jokes and have started accepting it as a legit sport. Fine, maybe not a legit sport, but at least an almost acceptable form of exercise. AND it happens to be better for your knees than running, so I'm not embarrassed)
-Golfed 9 different courses in 4 cities and 2 countries
-Toured the Coors brewery twice
-Snowboarded the Sand Dunes
-Took Yoga
-Spent time in Chicago and Toronto
-Went to 5 different farmer's markets

All in all, an amazing summer. And now, two pictures that make me happy:

Yay.

I feel misunderstood

Before I continue my summer recap, I thought it would be nice to document a couple of confusing situations I have been engaged in since I moved to New York two days ago. Here goes.

Bob and I went to an improv show the other night after our plans to go to the Mets Rockies game were demolished by torrential rain. We saw a good show, then saw an amateur improv show where any groups that wanted to could sign up and perform. Don't worry, we didn't sign up. But as we sat down in our seats, a man passed us with the logo below tattooed to his arm:

He was a rockies fan! We had so much in common! Bob and I both yelled "ROCKIES!!" to which he looked back with confusion, noticed our fingers pointing at his tatt, and replied "nah nah nah It's crips. Ya'll crips?"

This was a misunderstanding. I assumed Rockies, but he was a gang member. When I told this story to Jared C., he asked what color the tattoo was. Sadly, the dark blackness of this man's skin inhibited my ability to distinguish between a purple and black tatt (baseball) and red tatt (hood). I felt terrible.

Misunderstanding #2:
We went to Wendy's late last night. I ordered a Dr Pepper and a Junior Bacon Chee, and Jared C. orders a crispy chicken sandwich. Mine takes a while, and while I was waiting Jared and Bob went to sit down. I waited for 5 minutes before she asked who was also waiting for 2 Crispy Chickens. I looked back at a hungry Jared C, and replied "Yah that's my friend, I'll grab it for him." I waited a couple of minutes, got the food, then walked to the table. When I arrived, Jared was already eating a crispy chicken sandwich.

I had taken someone else's Crispy chickens. I figured that person may have forgot ordering them, so if I waited long enough and didn't get caught I'd be two fried chicken slabs richer. I put them on the table next to me, and within 2 minutes the angry woman from the counter came storming towards me with an evil look like I was her baby's daddy and just got custody. (sidenote: I'm not racist. It's just coincidence that she was black, served me fried chicken, and gave me the baby daddy look. Don't hate me) She asked where the chicken was, and I pointed nervously to it on the table next to us, as though I was trying to pass the blame off on the table for being the sandwich thief.

I keep getting misunderstood in this city. Lets hope that changes.

My Courageous Return to the World of Blogging

I thought this day may never come, but it seems it has...the blog is back. I started blogging when I went to Israel because it marked a new chapter in my life, and yesterday marked the next big step; I moved to New York to start my life as a real person. Though I can't exactly plan for it, I foresee absurd situations occurring on a near-daily basis as they have for most of my life, so I think the blog should keep people amused.

Before I start my NY blog, a quick recap of my summer (I'll start with my trip to Israel, and another day I'll expand to the rest of the time I spent in Denver/Vail/Canada/Chicago)

THE ISRAEL TRIP

First: How I solved the Arab-Israeli Crisis
-On my flight from Chicago to Jerusalem, I sat down next to a 30-or-so very "Middle Eastern" looking man.As he spoke Arabic violently into his phone, I came to the assumption that he wasn't going to Jerusalem for Yarmulke shopping. We didn't talk for most of the ride, instead focusing on the Pink Panther Two and He's Just not Into You. Oh well, can't expect any miracles to happen on United, right?

Wrong. About 8 hours into the flight, I sat listening to the airplane radio station when I heard a particularly phenomenal smash hit: Love Story, by Taylor Swift. A true classic. Anyway, I smiled when I heard it, and started nodding my head to the beat. Suddenly, I noticed to my left that my neighbor was also nodding to a beat...the same one! I overheard his headphones rocking out to my girl t-swift, and as he gained the same comprehension over the situation as I had, we broke into laughter and hummed the song silently together so no one could hear us. We ended up talking, and he told me he was just connecting to Amman, to which I replied "wow, never been there, is it nice?" and he spent 15 minutes trying to convince me to go. I don't think it's likely.

So, Moral of the Story: Taylor Swift will save the Middle East. Sounds good to me.

The Rest of the Trip


- Unbelievable. Spent a lot of time with friends from IDC and Jerusalem, going to concerts, hiking, camping at the Kinneret, swimming in the Dead Sea, sightseeing as if I hadn't lived there for 6 months...all purty fun stuff.


- At one point I finally took the oh-so-Jewish trek to the Dome of the Rock. And by oh-so-Jewish I actually mean oh-so-a-rab. Paz and I were the only Jews, but he's blonde, so he was practically Christian (luckily they don't really like them up there either so we were on an even playing field). I even got to Protein Shake the holy site, so I hope Allah doesn't strike me down or something.

- We also went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, my first time to the Christian holy site. After a brief tour, we noticed a hole in the ceiling letting in a ray of light in a bizzarly artistic manner. I took a picture there, and I may or may not be imitating Jesus...in the place where he died and was ressurected. Call me an asshole, but I've always been told that mockery is the greatest form of flattery (or something along those lines).

- I guess I should give more attention to the three day campout by the Kinneret (Sea of Gallillea). It was epic-- We spent all day on the beach or waist deep in the water playing frisbee, singing, and eating. It can't be described in words because it was just too absurd and relaxing. BUT I did realize one thing--- some times you don't need to be a good photographer to take a good picture...all you need is a good camera. I borrowed Paz's camera to take a picture at sunset of Butters, and look how it turned out:

Looks like a cool pic, right? I just took a picture. The camera did the work. I wanted to be able to see his facial expression but it didn't work out, making me feel like a disappointment. But maybe that's how a lot of famous pictures come out; maybe this couple ended up making out on the ground, and the photographer was upset for thinking he caught it too early.

The night I left Israel was spent in a bar in Tel Aviv, so my airport experience was hardly memorable-- in the sense that I can't remember much of it due to intoxication. I can't imagine it went well when they asked me about why I was in Israel, who my family was there, and how I speak Hebrew when I can hardly get out words of English. I found myself half passed out in the Dan Hotels red carpet lounge, which I am definitely not a member of, drinking perrier and eating cake. Great trip.

YAY FOR BLOGGING AGAIN

Do people still randomly read my blog?

Just checking. Maybe I'm that cool. Doubtful, but maybe.