The Best Part of Last Night

I realized that I didn't even document my favorite part of last night in my most recent blog. It deserves some attention, because it was amazing.

As I walked into the bar, I noticed that there were a lot of pretty women. Most were looking at whomever they were talking to...but one girl was staring right at me while talking to another guy. Was there something on my face? Did she know me? I was intrigued.

She proceeded to approach me, and, smiling, exclaimed "Oh my G-d! You're the guy from Cash Cab!!!"

I'm not the guy from Cash Cab. And I've never been on Cash Cab. But I like to lie. The rest of the convo went as follows:

Her: "Yah, you were on Cash Cab this afternoon!"
Me: "....Holy shit, you saw that?? How embarrassing..."
Her: "You were amazing! I can't believe I'm meeting you!"
Me: "I just wish I had done a little better"
Her: "What?? You made $1300!"
Me: "I know, but it could have been more."
Her: "Are you kidding? That was amazing. You were like 'trapeeeeeeeze!' Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you" (then, walking away slowly) "trapeeeeeze! hahaha"

That was amazing. I'm a celebrity.

Playing Ping Pong with Adrian Grenier

Before I start, I thought I should mention that it is 4:00 am and I am blogging. That's called dedication...or I just have a feeling that I won't remember what happened tonight in the morning. Nevermind that last thought, let's just give the credit to dedication.

The night started at Bergson's, where none of us won the $330 Million Lottery...weird. I thought we had it in the bag. Either way, we ended up heading downtown to a bar that Carolyn had a friend at. Had no expectations until I approached the bar, and, looking to my right, realized I was standing next to the one and only Vinny Chase, Adrian Grenier. AND he was talking to Susan Sarandon. Crazy! I was tripping out. I admit, it would have been cooler if she had looked like a cool celebrity, but I will say that if I hadn't know she was Susan Sarandon I would have assumed she was a stoned hobo who wanted my spare change. Clean up your act Suze, you look like a female Richard Simmons. No Offense.

We played a bunch of Ping Pong next to Vinny/Adrian, who I offered the next game on our table to. He respectfully declined, though I have a feeling he never would have played me in the first place because he's just too damn famous to play ping pong against a paddled stud like me. Again, this is the 4am talking. I suck at ping pong, but he seemed to as well, it would have been a great match. Too Bad.

Left the place to meet friends from B-right, who decided as a group that we would get Artichoke Pizza. The line was wayyy out the door, so I thought I would pretend I was cool and see if I could sneak to the front. When I got there, Glassman was second in line, and he got us 4 slices. What a man. I seemed cool for having the speedy pizza hook up, and Glassman finally seemed like a gentleman for doing a good deed for us. What a man.


Great Friday night, hope the rest of the weekend stays as fun. Happy Saturday.

Can't get this out of my head today

This is getting ridiculous. I need a new song. But today, I'll have to deal with this one.

How the stars of Gossip Girl fucked me over...almost

Here's the story:
At about 2pm on Friday I decided I would go to Chicago (via Milwaukee) for the weekend. I knew Airtran had their X fares deal, which is pretty cheap, and there were plenty of seats available, so i thought, why not, what could go wrong?

I arrived at Laguardia with time to spare, only to find myself stuck for 4.5 hours when Hurrican Bill struck the facilities. I went to the concourse bar with a girl I met who was on her way to see a Packers game, and due to the flight delays, the bar was so packed that the bartender couldn't keep tabs on all the beer she was handing out. Free beer! Yay!

Got to Milwaukee late, then took the drive down to Chi and spent a great weekend with Annabelle, including some nice time with cupcake and phil, among others. Chicago is a nice place, I like it there. I described it to someone as "New York but with nice people and a comparable polarity in their baseball teams' success this season." By that I mean the Cubs are the Windy City's version of the Mets...which isn't a good thing for either city.

On the way back I got another standby ticket, and while waiting at the gate I heard my name over the loudspeaker (he obviously struggled with his decision on how to pronounce it, but ended up going with the rhyming "kline-stine" rather than the typical "kline steen." No judgement passed, the name pronunciation isn't even agreed upon within our family).

What was he going to say? Did I get on the flight? Russell (I looked at his name tag so I could man flirt my way onto the flight) ended up completely blueballing me, telling me there were no seats available. Come on Russ. He did mention that three people had checked in but not gone through the gate yet. So I still had a chance.

Next thing I know, a couple in sunglasses come running down towards the gate, apologizing for having thought the flight was delayed longer. Who was it? These people below:

Yah, two actors from Gossip Girl. If the cast of that fucking show had held me back from getting to NYC, I would have gone ape shit and made it a goal to take down the CW and any shows that even remind me of that God Forsaken NYC prep school culture (no offense Mishkin).

It turned out there wasn't a third cast member, and I got on the flight with them (though they got the "luxury" of airtran first class). Luckily, the airline knew that I had been involved in an already long travel experience, so they made sure Laguardia re-routed our direct flight to NYC through Pittsburgh for an hour long refueling and sightseeing stop out the window of my seat on the plane. Now I can say I've been to Pittsburgh and I had two 9 hour travel days in one weekend. Thanks AirTran!

New Yorkin'

Started work this week in the big city. It ain't all that bad. Some highlights:

- Saw two improv shows, both free, one of which included Kristen Schaal, who plays Mel on Flight of the Conchords. She was phenomenal.

-Been to 4 birthday parties in one week. I don't get it, everyone has seemed to have their birthdays in the past couple of weeks. If i count 9 months backward, it means that all these people were conceived around the beginning of November (around the time of my birthday). I guess having sex on Nov 4 is like the new "new years baby" type fad. I guess I make a conscious effort to have sex on my birthday as well, so I can't blame 'em.

-Saw some standup, then today I performed standup. That was fun. Except there weren't many people there for the open mic I was at, and they all were sitting in the back of the room. So I think I heard laughs, but most came from a short asian creature who laughed at everything, even the not funny stuff. So I don't know if I was good, but at least I tried.

-I'm a working man. If anyone works near 19th and broadway, so either union square park on one side of me or madison square park on the other, lets meet for lunch. I am a hungry boy.

-I FORGOT TO PROMOTE MY WEBSITES, I made these this summer for fun, check them out and tell your friends:

exactlywhatshesaid.com
* the worlds foremost authority on "that's what she said"s

beautymarkormole.blogspot.com
*A celebrity rating site for voting on celebrity skin blemishes.


tell your friends that I blog. I want hits so I can become famous and live off of people who pay me to promote shit on this site.
Jared, out

The Summer

Ok, so now that I've told my stories from Israel, I think it's time to document the rest of the summer and the crazy things I did.

Concerts:
-Eric Clapton/ Steve Winwood
-Oar/ Brett Dennen
-Ben Lee
-Jonas Brothers/Jordin Sparx

Let me explain that last concert for all the haters. I went with my neice (Alexa), sister, and Dad. Alexa's presence made it OK for me to be there, right?

I mean, look at her. She's so happy to see Jonas Brothers. That's why I went, obviously. But drama insued at 9:45 PM. My sister wanted to take Alexa home because she had camp the next morning, and she happens to be 5 years old. Alexa didn't want to leave...and neither did Jared. They hadn't sang Burnin Up! or S.O.S.! Or Lovebug! FUUUCK How could I miss my three favorite fucking Jonas Brothers songs??? (I feel awkward using "Fuck" and "Jonas Brothers" in juxtaposition. They're too pure for such profanity). What would I do? Let Alexa leave and watch Kevin Nick and Joe alone? Or leave and act like I went to spend time with her in the first place?

I left. I am not upset, I just feel bad for Alexa that she missed out on such a great show. Look at the picture above, it's wayyyy different than the one before it. Can't you see how upset she looks? Dang.

Activities I engaged in:

-Saw 8 Rockies games, 7 of them wins
-hiked 4 mountains around Vail
-did "the steps" at Red Rocks

-Rafted the Arkansas River

-Rollerbladed a half marathon two different times (btw I'm surprised how people have gotten over the gay rollerblading jokes and have started accepting it as a legit sport. Fine, maybe not a legit sport, but at least an almost acceptable form of exercise. AND it happens to be better for your knees than running, so I'm not embarrassed)
-Golfed 9 different courses in 4 cities and 2 countries
-Toured the Coors brewery twice
-Snowboarded the Sand Dunes
-Took Yoga
-Spent time in Chicago and Toronto
-Went to 5 different farmer's markets

All in all, an amazing summer. And now, two pictures that make me happy:

Yay.