Counting down my life in the past decade-- The Year 2000

It's 2AM and I can't sleep because I just watched a pirated version of The Blind Side and it's got me thinking. Wait, that's a lie, I can't sleep because Ben just came home with a girl and a thing of garlic knots, so I ate those (the garlic knots) and decided to write about my favorite memories from the last decade. Here they are, enjoy!

2000:
8th grade; my Bar Mitzvah year. For those who weren't in attendance, my Bar Mitzvah took place at the top of Vail, and was the bomb diggity. Here are the good and bad parts of the event:

Good
-We stayed in a hotel at the base of the mountain, and our suite had its own hot tub. Somehow, Bob, Lorne and I were in it and convinced Megan L, Elyse, and Marisa to take off their bathing suits. I didn't even have pubic hair, and I was already making girls take their shirts off. Go me.
-The party was tons of fun, including Scott the typical Bar Mitzvah DJ and his dancers, one of whom was a Broncos cheerleader and flirted with me. Looking back, she probably wasn't flirting with me and was just being nice because we paid her to dance, but at least she made me happy (I just re-read that sentence and realized my dad was sending me terrible messages when I was a child. Oh well).

Bad
-I told my parents that I wanted to hang out with my friends during the day instead of skiing with my family. Now I live in New York, and would do anything to be skiing with my family. Bad choice, me.
- We felt bad for all the kosher kids who were coming up from my class at school, so instead of just using the caterers in Vail, my mom had special Kosher food brought up. Guess what? The Kosher motherfuckers brought their own food, even though they knew that my mom had the food delivered special for them. Fuck that, I would have loved me some shrimp and lobster the day I became a man, but I settled for strictly dairy to appease Lisa Greenstein. Booooo.
-Shane and Becky caught us in the hot tub when the girls took their shirts off, but didn't actually see anything, only hearing us through the door. They told our parents that we were playing strip poker, which we got in trouble for. Strip poker? Really Shane? We were in a fucking hot tub! We didn't have cards! I got in trouble at my own Bar Mitzvah for something I didn't even do!
-Shauna and Devra sing a  remix of the "Only Gay Eskimo Song" to the new lyrics of "Only Boy with 2 Moles." I become a man, and then I sink into my seat as I realize that for the rest of my life I'm still gonna get shit for these fucking beauty marks. At least they give me character.

2000 in sports:
Tiger wins 3 majors, Ray Bourque gets traded to the Avs, The Nuggets trade Chauncey away and suck, the Broncos lose Elway and Mile High Stadium, the Rockies trade Dante Bichette so we all know the Blake St. Bomber days are over, and I peak as a three point shooter for the RMHA Middle School Basketball team.

2000 in love:
I exchange altoids with Sarah Lipsitz, this being my first time using tongue during a kiss. My obsession with Devra Feld is nearing its end, as she has begun flirting with Jules and I might as well concede the battle (he did become an Israeli soldier after all). I'm still sort of shy, so not much love in my life overall, though I was introduced to paperback hardcore porn for the first time via my first BBYO event.

Stay tuned for my update on what happened in 2001!

Fun with Pictures

I'm not much of a photographer, but since I moved to NY I've fallen in love with taken pictures with my phone. I guess it's a product of seeing lots of amusing shit. So, here's some pictures I've taken and an explanation of their value (some are pretty ridiculous)


Shane and I took this picture during one of her advanced finance classes in Hong Kong. She was CLEARLY never taught any manners, because everyone knows how rude it is to point at people. Then again....this girl in her class is wearing an f-ing swine flu mask. I feel like it's an important life skill to be able to avoid disease by building an immune system, not just wearing a mask. I guess the asians haven't figured everything out yet.





My neice and nephew are cute as hell. And they're good skiers. This picture isn't funny, it just makes me happy, and it makes me wish I still lived in Colorado.



I saw this on the cigar menu at a BBQ place near my office. I created this cigar myself, and called it "The Stephen Golding" but I guess they thought people weren't familiar enough with Stephen, so they called it a Texas Jewboy.

Seriously though, pretty anti-semetic and ridiculous in my opinion, especially if you say "I'm sucking on a Texas Jewboy." That is beyond distasteful, and I sure hope I never experience it.



I saw this on 6th and 3rd, I believe. It's my block! It says it right there in the concrete! Wow, I'm famous.


This one is a bit of a longer story. When I was home for Thanksgiving, I told my mom I wanted to buy a peacoat, or any sort of jacket that I could wear to work over a suit that wasn't my full out DNA Ski Jacket. We didn't have time to buy one, but when I was leaving I found the jacket pictured above in my hallway closet. I tried it on, and it fit! Free jacket!

As I buttoned the jacket, Jules looked up at me and giggled. I asked why, and he said "I think that's a women's jacket." I refused to accept that it was, especially considering the size the woman would need to be to fit into the jacket. Also, the buttons could be buttoned up on either side, so it could be set up as a men's jacket no matter what (though based on that flexibility we could even call it a transgenderal jacket. maybe.).

I was hurt by this argument, and couldn't really find the exact model online. Then I was on the subway, and saw this:




A homeless man asking for money wearing the same jacket! It had to be a men's jacket, because he was a homeless MAN!!!! I'm happy this all got sorted out.

Happy Chanukah

Amusement

I haven't blogged in a while, and it sort of makes me think, "Shit, have I stopped having fun?"

Truth is, I still have fun, it's just more toned down. Here are some highlights of my fun from the past couple of weeks:

- I peed in public in Denver last wednesday night on the way to Taco Bell from downtown. So did Ziggy. You can't get away with that shit in NYC unless your homeless, in which case it's almost expected.

-Dad passed out during the Broncos game at thanksgiving dinner. But he's thinking....hmm...about what?



- Was in Vail for most of Thanksgiving, and on Saturday night I was walking around Lionshead when I saw the following scene take place:

I don't know if it's clear, but there's a woman singing the classic hannukah beat "Don't let the light go out." In front of her stands a man dressed as Santa (could be the real thing, but I may never know) with a live reindeer next to him. I'd never seen a reindeer before! But this one didn't have a red nose, so I was a bit bummed out (thought they'd bring in the big guns to Vail).

-Tyler, Lauren and I skied together for the first time. It was hilarious, especially when I tried to teach Tyler how to "get air" for the first time, even though it was only his fourth time skiing. A couple of good crashes later, and neither of them learned there lesson. Maybe that's my fault, and I should have taught them the lesson "learn how to turn properly before you go off jumps." Oh well.

I don't think I was supposed to screenshot that image from the Vail website...oops. Please don't get me fired for this.


This week I've done a lot of eating and watching TV. I love life. More stories to come this weekend after Mishkin/Julie's bday party and other fun.