Are You Serious?

The world has finally heard of RMHA Basketball

Picture time

I thought I would start uploading pics so it looks like I'm having even more fun than I have been typing.

To the right, you see Jules and I. We grew up together, spent years getting to know each other and doing weird things. But until Israel, we had never held a toilet seat together. That's what being abroad does, it gives you the chance--strike that, the opportunity to hold dirty toilet seats with people you care about. Because i am holding it up to my face does not make me a "poopy head" like I had first thought of titling this page, but rather I thought it was a great frame for my facial features. Sweet pic, us.



Me Jules and Leah. She can't touch us cuz she's religious! Look at that sad face longing for our strong hands! But not. Also, look at my stripes. Mom got me that shirt. I looked like either a referee, waldo, or verry adam low metro. You decide.



That's all I want to put up now. putting of pics takes to long, I'm too lazy. maybe i'll hit up the fbook. The weekend just started, so we'll see what kind of shenanigans arise.

out

the beach and the new roommate

Today I rollerbladed to the beach. It was a pretty day, a bit overcast but I was still comfortable in shorts and a tee walkin through the sand. It was windy, so the waves were good and the surfers were out, impressing every girl on the beach and making me look like a lame-o. I picked up a book to read, Jules' copy of "Don Quixote." Yes, so far I sound like that kid from Orange County who reads books on the beach. The truth is, I picked up the book, opened it, then realized it was around 900 pages. I thought to myself: well Jared, do you have the will to read this book? Can you actually focus and read all these pages? HOW STRONG ARE YOU???
So, I gave up and put the book away, never to be touched again. If I really go nuts here, I'll pick it up again and maybe get through 1/7th of it.

We met the new roommate today, a L.A./NY/Israel native named Liat. Yah, I'm living with a girl. I figured that living with a girl would either be a dream or a nightmare, btu so far we're still in dream status. She's a really cool girl, for the following reasons:
a. she plays basketball
b. she made cleavage jokes
c. she parties and has friends (which is more than I can say for the other potential roommate that we scared away)
d. She has a dryer (we only have a laundry), a water heater thing, a toaster, a tv (potentially big screen), and a great personality (I promise I don't just like her for her possesions)

This is all gonna work out after all. Goin to my cooking workshop now, then to Tel Aviv to meet Mara, Sheddy, Ldubs and the hebrew u crew. Should be fun. Will update soon with embarrassing stories and (potentially) pictures.

Best news of the day, worst news of the day

Best news: FORSBERG JOINS THE COLORADO AVALANCHE

when tyler emailed me this news, I got a boner. And I don't get aroused easily. Slash I do, but i never thought hockey would do it.

Worst News: these german girls I metcan't give directions. I was so excited for this shindig with them, I'd meet some new peeps. We walked around Herzliya trying to find this party that was at an intersection that didn't exist, only to find out that it was in Tel Aviv, miles and miles away. And to sum all things up, Kahan made fun of me for having "Tearin Up my heart" on a playlist. Listen, it was a catchy song, no need to hate.



But yay for peter forsberg!

What I will do if I go bald?

I am sitting in class, looking at my sad balding teacher. He isn't young, so I can't make fun of him for losing his hair. But still, there's something about how he is doing the hair that he has left that bothers me. First of all, his bald spot is so damn shiny. If I left my seat in class and walked up to him, I could probably see my reflection in his scalp- its that bad. No one is really paying attention to him, I feel bad, but the topic is lame and he's probably as bored as we are.

Sorry for not posting in a while, I've been in Jerusalem since last thursday with Jules and the boys getting ready for...today, the day that Jules and Shaun join the army. I'm scared shitless for him, but I have faith that he'll be ok. If any terrorists try to get up in his grill, they'll have to get past me first. And I'm joining a gym, so I'll be ripped and intimidating.

Jerusalem is the center for Jewish geography for the entire world. Jules and I would stand on Ben Yehuda street pretending to be busy, but in fact we were looking around for people we knew---and it worked. We saw Shapir (our middle school math teacher with a monotone voice), tons of white pine kids, some washu kids, it was nuts. And whenever I meet an american or canadian, theres the typical jewish geography convo. I think i'm just going to carry around my computer so when I meet someone, I can go straight to facebook, check mutual friends, then say "no shit I know______ from camp/highschool/college/got-with-her-in-a-club/carries-my-baby."

We were supposed to get a third roommate from Sweden, but when he came to visit, things went sour. He said "i like it, i want to move here." Then we talked about drinking, and he said he'll "have a beer every once in a while but NEVER gets drunk." I said that I do and he was shocked. It was like he had never met anyone who drank, like I was some rebel from the streets of Brooklyn.

Side note, this class has gotten ridiculous, its loud and rowdy. At least baldy hasn't given up yet, his strength and desire to teach inspires me in this difficult environment.



Good night america, good morning Israel. Tell your friends about my blog, maybe i can pull an elliot darvick and get famous for it. But don't tell everyone: Mom and Dad know the blog exists but don't know the website. If I have to start censoring my work, I will be destroyed. If mom and dad are already reading this: "Hi! I miss you and love you! Hugs and kisses from Israel"

happy birthday lucas

I'd like to give a shout out to Lucas as he turned 21 yesterday. If you see Lucas around at WashU, say happy belated b-day then give him some tongue (he needs it. Opah!) For serious, Luke is a great guy, and i envy anyone who was fortunate enough to spend the big day with him.

Call me a rug muncher

Yesterday we went to Yaffo, and came back with big rugs, tapestries, and a hookah. We got pretty good deals on all after some bargaining.
The highlight of the day was during the bargain for the tapestry, when I had the following conversation (in hebrew):

Me: I'll give you 60 shekel, this is final, no more.
Guy: 100, shekel, come on.
Me: 60 shekel
Guy: 85 shekel.....Look! I have the same dirt in my eyelashes as you do!


This upset me, as I don't take my blepharitis as a joke (see this link for more details.)

We ended up paying 60 shekels for the two tapestries, and I was satisfied.
Jules joins the army on monday, so I'll be in Jerusalem after tomorrow until he's all uniformed and stuff. (Is it weird that every time I think of the army I just picture Jules coming back like Buster from Arrested saying "Mother, look at the medals I got from army"? I need to stop watching that show)

Sheddy and Mara from CWP will be in Jerusalem, so it'll be good to see them. Also, if you're reading this and you go to white pine, MIKE SUSSMAN GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME. I ran into him on campus today, it was crazy.

Have a good weekend!

First day of classes

So classes fly a little differently here than they do in America. My entrepreneurship class was normal and legit, but my next class was fuckin anarchy. No one listened to the teacher, people were blabbin on in hebrew to each other and trying to use the internet, and I sat with Tali in awe. It reminded me of what shit must be like on the other side of the wall in the gaza strip where dem a-rabs get all rowdy.

I hadn't talked to anyone except for a russian kid who was wearing a Vail Ski Patrol jacket until BAM I saw three cute german girls. I pretended to be lost, but it turns out they were too, as they are also exchange students. We hit it off besides for the fact that they hardly spoke English and I hardly spoke German...My last name is German though so they were turned on pretty easily. Truth is I'll see them once a week, and if they get close enough to me to read my blog, I will delete this post quicker than...Matt R. the first time he banged nurit (am I allowed to say that on a blog?)

Congrats to Tyler

On a WashU note, I thought I'd send a hearty mazel tov to my boy Ty, who scored his 1,000th point for our Bears basketball team against Emory yesterday. It is such an amazing feat that it deserves its own blog post.




(this message was not provoked by Sean's comment on my last post. in fact, I knew about Tyler's accomplishment, as I masturbate to D3hoops.com nightly. So thanks Sean!)

I slept with 2 girls last night

I know what you're thinking: Jared doesn't have the game to pull off a threesome, especially not in Israel where people speak a different language and are more into army guys than scrawny americans. The truth is, I was forced into the situation, and it wasn't really a threesome in the traditional sense. I shared Jules' bed in Jerusalem with Hava (from high school, in the army, good girl) and Miriam (one of Jules' bffs, great girl). Neither kissed me, nor did they make any attempts to tap my hot bod. While most of the male population dreams of sharing beds with two girls, I advise against it; I slept like shit with my legs together and my arms crossed over my chest like a mummy. Oh well.

We went out to a bar last night where, as usual, the bouncers wouldn't let Kahan in. He may be 5'2, but he can grow facial hair, so I don't see what the big deal is. Once we got in, I got to see my WashU world collide with my Denver world, and it made me crazy happy. Everyone we ran into said they knew Sam Zuber and that he was a stud. I love Sam, but I had no idea he was this famous. If he was still here I'm sure he'd be getting some mad bitties.

We're trying to fix the basketball net on the roof. If I forgot to post this, I thought I'd mention that our apartment is really sweet ass sweet. If you are coming on birthright or some trip or just to see me, you'll hopefully be impressed. My room needs decorations though, its more depressing than the part in Million Dollar Baby where she bites her tongue off. I'll get some tapestries and Adam Low style candles so I can impress G-face when she comes in 3 weeks (what what).

When pictures start working on my camera, I'll get those up. Happy Sunday


Link of the day:
http://oracleofbacon.org/star_links.html
its the 6 degrees game... on a website. Crazy stuff

Blogging on the Sabbath

Yah I know, I'm in Jerusalem and I'm blogging on the sabbath. I guess it's ok cuz at least I'm in Israel and G-d loves me for that. He also loves me because I've kept Kosher in Israel (it's tough to find bacon around here, breakfast has been lame).

In general the food is better here than anything we have in America. That being said, my whole idea that I would rollerblade to keep in shape turns out to be a lie. I've rollerbladed once, and it wasn't as much fun as eating. So, I will be gaining weight then going ano for a week before I get home. You won't notice a thing

Better Posts when we get back to herzliya

I'm at Jules' place in Jerusalem for a few days. Plenty of stories, but I feel like they'll be better when I can attach pics to them when we get back.

I'm convinced that Birthright was great because we drank a lot. Last night was our first real drinking night, and I enjoyed it more than the previous nights. We also watched porn, so that could be why it seemed so fun (don't worry mom and dad, we just watched softcore).

Air Canada deserves bankruptcy and STDs

I used to love Air Canada. They used to speak in English and French, and they used to treat me with respect. But today they fucking sucked. First, I went on an international flight with the shittiest in-flight entertainment since the Amelia Earhart days. No personal TVs, just a fuzzy projection of The Game Plan (featuring the Rock), A Beautiful Mind, and a shitty sci fi movie called Stardust. The most entertainment came from Kahan and I mixing sleeping pills with beer, which led to him passing out and me staying awake the entire flight.

Then they fucking lost my bag with all my clothing. They still haven't found it. I think some girl named Mir Ronen from Highland Park, IL stole it cuz her bag was still there and looked like mine. You suck Mir. I may never wear my "Emory was my safety school" shirt or my CWP hoodie again. All I have right now in Israel are my sheets, my computer, and my rollerblades. So pretty much, the essentials.

Other than that, we've been chilling with Tali Zipper and eatin some shawarma. Our apartment is pretty nice, but Kahan can't sleep cuz the family next door is fighting in hebrew. The walls are thin, so I'm excited for the day that they stop fighting and Kahan gets to hear the sounds of sweet sweet love making. Good night world.

Jareds' night out

Before you read this, I should be clear that my grammar was perfect in the title above. You see, it wasn't just my night out- it was my night out with Jared Ciner (hence, Jareds' night out). It was a pretty whack night, and JC thought I should tell everyone about it through my blog. Here goes.

So, the night started with my dad and I picking up Jared to go to the game. I love my mom, but it was fucking stupid of her to make chicken with prunes before I went to a public area. The car was soon graced with my delectable fragrance, and I was close to sharting about 3 times.

We got to the game, where Ira Goldman ripped our parking pass. That made me uncomfortable. I thought he was wrestling. Oh well, he seemed happy, and it was good to see him.

We walked in to the sound of the national anthem and a familiar voice. Where have I heard that voice? Was it Shakira? No. Was it Blink 182? No. It was Shayna Goldstein, the daughter of Cantor Marty Goldstein of our synagogue. Crazy shit.

As we sat down, a big darker skinned man loomed over our shoulders. Yah, fuckin Manny Corpas sat behind us. Art has become close to him, so I watched in awe as my pops gave whats up high fives to the Rockies Closer.

The Nuggets won, Melo scored 49, it was fun. One of those- run into people everywhere that you have'nt seen in forever like kylie ohringer- nights. Oh yah, and when we went down to the floor we saw Lala Vasquez (melo's wife). She looks good, I bet she gets so much poon that he doesn't know about.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=q_lwUF_9ZEk

^ on a side note, that's a youtube video of a guy etchasketching melo, but theres a rap song about him in the background. It's a hot track if you're really into bad lyrics and references to key bank.

So I guess the night wasn't that insane. But I got to spend my last night before I leave for Israel writing a blog entry, which is way more fun than finishing packing. If I do get my bags loaded, then my next blog entry will be from the land of Milk, honey, and Jules Kramer. peace out america