How 22 Almost One-Upped 21

My 21st was an unhealthy time in my life, as I detailed in my last post. Well, my 22nd was not much healthier, but it definitely lasted longer (5 days of Me, somehow). I'll go through the events, followed by some fun things I've seen around and taken pictures of lately.

Day 1: Wednesday, The Actual Birthday

Left work to go meet Bob at his place so we could watch the Nets v Nuggets game. When I got there, Bob and Ray had thrown a surprise party for me, with some good friends planning to go to the game with us. We had an amazing time, especially with the surprise of Annie coming to be there for the weekend. Great night, and the Nuggets kicked ass.

Day 2: Thursday, Kickball and Ricky Gervais

Left work to play Kickball for the Big Bangers, who I should mention were almost as dominant as the Nuggets. I had to leave early, as Barry surprised me with tickets to see Ricky Gervais do standup live. He was great, and we ended up at a Wall Street Journal Open Bar afterparty. 2 Birthdays in, Jared is happy.

Day 3: Friday, Benihana

No Birthday is complete without a little "Japanese Happy Song" after some Hibachi Steak and fried rice. I love that place. After my current occupation I will be opening up a Kosher Hibachi place called either "Heebachi" or "Benichhhhana"

Day 4: Saturday, The Party

The party started at my place around 10. The Apt got packed pretty fast. I puked by 11, then rallied and drank the rest of the night without telling anyone. Here are some highlights from the bar in pictures:

Dance off between Bob, Ray, and Ben. Bob relied on step dancing, Ray relied on Break dancing, and Ben relied on fun dancing. Oh, and I did the worm supposedly.




At one point I took off my belt and took this picture with Ben. I don't know why. But I sent this picture to barry with the message "So Lovers." I don't know what that means.



Day 5: Chelsea and Improv

Sunday night Annie, Ray, Yano and I went to the Upright Citizens Brigade Improv show. On the way there, we saw a child who looked EXACTLY like Ugly Betty. I took a picture, because I'm an asshole.


On the way to the club, I saw this poster in a gay porn shop window. Oh New York.


The improv show was completely free, and the cast included Amy Poehler, Seth Myers, Jack mcBryar (kenneth from 30 rock), some other SNL and 30 Rock guys, and was hosted by John Hamm from Mad Men. It was hilarious, and made me want to do longform Improv. Sadly, I'm lazy and busy at the same time. Not a good combination for trying to be a comedian in NY.


So that's the birthday. Yesterday we had lunch in Union Square, and I took a picture of Ben's Swollen Uvula. Take a peek.




Yucky. Anyway, thanks everyone for a great 22nd Birthday, it showed me how great my friends are and how lucky I am.

Birthdays over the years

As I woke up this morning around 7:30, I got a bit nostalgic about my life and all of my past birthdays (yah, today is my big 2-2). I then got depressed about how I don't remember all of my birthdays, which is an excuse you can use in college for obvious reasons, but not for when you turned 13. So, I brainstormed and here's my list of birthday memories I can think of:

4- Joint Halloween Birthday with Andy Draper (above: pic of us four years later. We aged nicely) . I think we threw it at my house, and I was dressed as a clown while Andy dressed as Batman. We had a good crew there, probably some sweet goody bags, and we hired a real clown for entertainment. Probably took away some thunder from me as the only other clown in the room, but he had some tricks I couldn't pull off at the time. Big ups to him.

5- Had a party in USDS, my kindergarten. Schecter and Chellie were there. We ate cupcakes. That's all I remember.

6- First birthday in Denver. Rondi, my first grade teacher, did some balloon stunt to impress us. Not quite as entertaining as the clown, but impressive for a teacher.

8- Pinata outside my house (memorable attendees included Sam, Elie Z, Ben F and Ben S, Jamey, and Jason D) then Woody's pizza. Good time.

11- Probably the most distinct memory. I played hockey, so I wanted to show off my skills; we had an ice skating party at Big Bear (which I believe has closed down...sad). All was fine and dandy until Courtney H fell and cut her finger. She was bleeding profusely. We freaked out, and my dad came up with a solution--
He started sucking on her finger.
I've never felt so uncomfortable. They say it's awkward walking in on your parents having sex. Try walking in on your dad sucking on your friend's finger.

12- We have a group of about 16, and we go to the Avalanche game. In the car ride over, My dad drives Shauna and some girls (Romi and Devra?) with Sam in the front seat. Shauna spends the ride talking about her new bras. My dad tells Sam to stay quiet and just listen. The next few years are filled with "Hi Shauna"
"Hi Art"
"How are the bras"
"Good thanks."

Almost as awkward as the finger sucking.

13- No one cares about my birthday because I had a bar mitzvah coming up. Thanks.

16- Dad takes me to an Avalanche game and "forget the tickets." I should've caught on, because he's never forgotten tickets in any of the other 21 years I've been alive. I get home to a surprise 16th bday, full of good friends and Catered Chipotle. Did I mention the Catered Chipotle? Oh yah, we had Catered Chipotle. My mom knows me so well.

18- I think I FINALLY used my REAL 18 YEAR OLD ID to get into a club! Lucky me! Probably the Vault or something. Yay.

19- Joint birthday party with Sara Reynolds. Wow, that was a failure. Sara bailed halfway after leaving some pierced weirdos in the room alone with me. What a sweetheart. I think I got Nuggets Pajamas that year though, so it was an overall victory.

20- No recollection, not because I was drunk, though I probably was. I just have no idea what we did on my birthday. Let me know if you remember.

21- At 12, handed my ID to security at Lumiere and gambled legally for the first time. Made big bucks off Danny Drews advice, although he lost a bunch.
The next night, Barack Obama became president, and 20 of my best friends and I sat in an empty bar watching his speech and drinking. Wait, that's not what happened. I sat there drinking, and they fed me 18 shots and watched. I ended up giving a speech about Obama, my weight, and Israel, which rivaled Obama's speech in passion though likely not in content.

Drink 18: Sean hands me a shot, tells me it's delicious. It's straight grape vodka. I puke in the beer bucket on the table. Mishkin bets me $100 to puke on Sean, and I chase him around the block to no avail. Woke up without a hangover the next morning. Best Birthday ever.


Moral of the story: I've lived an amazing life, had some interesting birthdays, and am lucky to have always had great friends around me for all of them. Thanks for everything, and if you're in NYC over the next 4 days, get ready for a lot of fun.