"The Google": A case study into the ridiculousness of the web

Every few weeks I make a habit of googling myself. I don't do this because I fear that potential employers are trying to dig up dirt on me ( I already have a job and they embrace the ridiculousness of my google results...I think) nor am I extremely self absorbed. Rather, I do this because it gives me a glimpse into how the internet sees me, which I then compare to how I see myself. After doing this analysis, I sort of feel like Google sees me as a terrible first date and is looking for faults to pick on me for. I'll go through the top results so you can see what I mean.

Number one is by far the most baffling. Brian Reeves was in BBYO with me for maybe 2 years in High School. I haven't talked to him since I left Denver five years ago. Somehow, he created a Myspace profile under the name "Super Jew" and put the following information in his bio:

Before I complain about this, I have to ask if anybody understands what this means. Is he trying to say "I'd like to meet Jared K again because I was so lucky to meet him when I did?" or "I know I'm sooooo lucky (sarcastically) to have met Jared K"? Brian, if you're reading this, either explain yourself or get it off your fucking 25 friend myspace page. It's embarrassing enough to have  a myspace page, but the 25 friends and pictures of Llamas that cover yours really take it to another level. Be a man, get rid of it and stop making me look like an idiot.

2. LinkedIn. Ok, fine with this. Wish it was #1.

3. My fake StreetEasy profile...this probably shouldn't be there, as someone may think I'm a real estate agent, but I don't particularly care.

4. An article about how Sean and I inspired a WashU trip/internship program in Israel. Not too bad, we're sweet.

5. An article about a position I had in BBYO. So far, the trend is toward Google thinking I'm still in High school.

6. The trend continues--a update from my High School, including a quote about how Dani and I flew a  helicopter to break out our school's color war. That's sweet.

7. 

Ok, this one is tough, because I like it and dislike it at the same time. I like it because it says Hoban and I were Intramural athletic champions (which we were). Unfortunately, the text makes it look like we won 135 lb. and under Arm Wrestling, which we didn't win. We won golf. Whatever, at least it isn't talking about how I'm a "super jew who is still in high school."

9. Camp White Pine staff list from 2006. Google, you say you're up to date and have all these relevant results, but you keep proving the oppo. Dang

12. The Chanukah Song Bob and I made last year. Embarrassing maybe, but I generally have no shame so I don't care.

13. The youtube video Dani and Bob and I made 3 years ago for a samsung contest. This actually makes me ashamed. Oh well.

14. Nastar (ski racing) results from when I was 9 years old at Vail. I got a bronze medal. Shane got a Silver. Damnit.

15. A blog post Sean wrote when he was hurt wishing me a safe trip to Israel when I was going abraod. Awwwwww.

27. This blog. Yay!

Overall, I've learned from this experience that Google is making me look like shit, but I am luckily in a phase in my life that I couldn't care less. One day you'll have to start treating me with respect, Google, but until then just get rid of that Myspace page and bump up the article about how I flew in a helicopter. Thanks!



UPDATE: Brian just accepted my fbook friend request and is getting rid of the super jew thing. No explanation yet though.